Internet Cafe: Faith Journey

My son is learning to type using a computer program. Today was his third day, and he was slowly typing the middle row of keys, trying not to look at his fingers. There were about 8 lines showing; and as he typed each line, another line would appear on the bottom. After five minutes of typing, he finally looked at me.

“New lines keep coming up, Mommy. When is this going to end?” he asked anxiously.

I said, “Type a few more lines, and you’ll probably see the end come up soon.”

He went back to typing, but it was obvious by the way he was slouching in his chair and by the irritable expression on his face that he had lost hope of ever seeing the end to his lesson.

Suddenly, he punched the last key on the line he was typing, and the final sentence came into sight. He was about four lines away from finishing. My son’s back straightened and a smile spread across his face. He was almost there!

It’s interesting how a good dose of perspective can help you see something through to the end.

Many times in my Christian journey, I’ve had to walk out on faith. Sometimes my acts of faith are immediately confirmed; other times, however, I’m a million steps into “Faith-land” without any physical signs that I’m going the right way.

I feel God’s Spirit in me approving my direction, but it would be so nice if I could see the Promise Land! Often, I become disillusioned, and I feel like giving up and not finishing. But God graciously renews my strength right when I need it most. There are some faith journeys that I’m on that God is in the double digits of giving me strength-renewal!

Though the ending may not be in sight, I know that God works all things for His good. I know that He loves me, and He wants the best for me. And I know that He would rescue me and redirect my steps if I somehow lost my way.

By faith I choose to straighten my back and put a smile on my face because I know that I’m offering my life to the purposes of my Creator, and He will not steer me wrong. I trust that He has amazing plans for me, and I believe His Word and the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Question: Do you feel like you’re in the wilderness right now for away from your Promise Land? How has God renewed your strength? How has your faith grown during your journey?

“Blessed are those whose strength is in you, whose hearts are set on pilgrimage” (Psalm 84.5 NIV).

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Serving in Leadership

Solomon's son, King Rehoboam, lost half his kingdom (ministry) because he had no idea of the true meaning of leadership. He was at a crossroads, and he chose the wrong direction. His friends defined leadership as punishing people and forcing them to do his will. Yet, the city elders knew the true core of leadership: "They said, 'If you will be a servant to this people, be considerate of their needs and respond with compassion, work things out with them, they'll end up doing anything for you'" (2 Chronicles 10.7 MSG).

Ministries are designed to provide for needs. As leaders, we are called to serve those around us. However, I think many of us get it wrong. Sometimes we serve to receive, we serve to grow our desires, we serve to be good enough, we serve to show others our works or we serve without the anointing of God. And we forget that serving becomes white-washed unless we are doing it out of a pure heart to do God's will. God wants to cultivate a desire in us to serve the needs of others; however, this desire does not come easily.

Our walk of service starts with those closest to us: spouses, children, siblings, parents and friends. We do not serve because we have to; we serve because that is our calling. We place our family's and friend's needs above our own, and work diligently to be Christ-like figures in their lives. Our family is our primary ministry, and we should be serving them first. They know everything about us, and they are the main witnesses to God's transforming power in our lives. I've come to the conclusion that if I am not fulfilling my husband's or children's needs, I have absolutely no right to be in ministry.

Once we find joy and purpose in serving our family, God will lead us to a small circle of people that He wants us to pour into and serve. This is not glamorous, and some people want to ignore it. But this is an important part of our own transformation. While we serve these hand-chosen people, God is able to do a good work within us. The fruits of our labor may not be obvious, because the fruits are produced within us, building and strengthening our character and faith. Once God trusts us with leading our small group, He will begin to open doors for greater influence.

By now we are serving our families and others on a small scale, but our capacity (territory) is growing. God broadens our reach of influence now that we have strength to do more. However, this broadening may not look how we want it to look. We might be called to reach individuals, small groups or the masses; and they each have equal impact. The world's standard of success is different than God's, and we need to remember that He grows our ministries into the shape He has for it. We probably won't know the extent of our influence for God's kingdom until He shows us in heaven.

The critical aspect about having influence is that when we stumble, many people are affected. That is why during this entire process of learning leadership, God has been teaching us to rely solely on Him and to obediently serve Him. There is much Scripture on the accountability of leaders, and they shed light to the awesome responsibility of leadership:

"The LORD enters into judgment against the elders and leaders of his people:"It is you who have ruined my vineyard" (Isaiah 3.14a NIV).

"It's because our leaders are stupid. They never asked God for counsel, And so nothing worked right. The people are scattered all over" (Jeremiah 10.21 MSG).

Leading others through serving their needs is an amazing opportunity with a high costs. We must allow God to change our hearts if we are to lead affectively and righteously. I believe God would love for all His children to be shining-star leaders in our world today; however, He will protect us from ourselves if we are not ready. We need to start with the basics and joyfully serve those we see everyday. Only then can God securely position us on the path to doing more service for His kingdom.

"If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good! But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife, cool and collected, accessible, and hospitable. He must know what he's talking about, not be overfond of wine, not pushy but gentle, not thin-skinned, not money-hungry. He must handle his own affairs well, attentive to his own children and having their respect. For if someone is unable to handle his own affairs, how can he take care of God's church? He must not be a new believer, lest the position go to his head and the Devil trip him up. Outsiders must think well of him, or else the Devil will figure out a way to lure him into his trap" (1 Timothy 3.1-7 MSG).

Where's the Sugar?

I made a sugar free apple cobbler for my kids. Even the whipped cream on top was sugar free. I was so excited because it looked beautiful, and it tasted pretty good. My three year old sugar connoisseur son was so excited. I put the dessert in front of him, and his eyes bulged. He took his spoon and started taking big bites. After a few mouthfuls, he put the spoon down and looked up at me.

“What’s wrong?” I said. “You don’t like it?”

He pushed the bowl away and said, “It needs sugar.”

I couldn’t believe it. I looked at my husband, and he shrugged. How did he know there was no sugar?

The same concept goes with ministry. A ministry leader can make sure that everything is perfect and looks great, but there is only one way to ensure that God’s sweetness (Holy Spirit) is present. Unless the leadership is sensitive and broken to the will of God, the Holy Spirit cannot freely move through the ministry like it should.

Before we had kids, God moved my husband and me to Dallas. I saw a commercial for a local Christian school, and I knew that God wanted me to teach there. The position paid very little, so I taught college at night. The year was challenging for me, and I couldn’t wait until summer so I could get outside the classroom.

I started applying to other positions, but I had an uneasy feeling that I was supposed to teach one more year. I got offered an amazing job located downtown Dallas, creating English software to help kids with standardized testing. I was ecstatic because this job paid twice the amount of my two current positions combined, and I could sit behind a computer and analyze grammar and syntax all day.

For five days, I wrestled with God. I knew He didn’t want me to take the job. I remember jogging on my treadmill, and I jumped so hard out of anger that I broke it. I stomped around my living room and finally fell against the wall crying. I cried until there was nothing left. My family and friends didn’t understand. Why would I not go for such an amazing opportunity? All I could say was, "God says so."

During the last day of school, I finally resolved to be obedient, but I still felt very abandoned by God. I went to my desk and opened the Bible. I read Jeremiah 29.11: “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope’” (NLT). I decided that I would learn everything God wanted to teach me the following year, so, hopefully, he would allow me to leave the classroom.

My last year teaching, I taught seven subjects, including seventh and eighth grade Physical Education. For one of the six weeks, I felt God wanted me to teach them a Christian song in sign language. I didn’t know anything about music, but two of my students were daughters of the choir teacher. I didn’t have a plan, so we just worked each day at putting together a performance. I taught the girls some “choreography” and the sisters helped with the chorus. We finally finished it, and the girls had created something special.

I saw the principal in the hall, and I asked if she wouldn’t mind just taking a quick look at what the girls had created. She said sure, and sat down in an empty auditorium. After the principal saw it, she demanded that they perform in front of the school at the next pep rally. The girls were thrilled, and I was happy that they were able to show the school how hard they worked.

The girls performed in front of the entire school, and the teachers and students were amazed. People were crying, and I didn’t understand what was going on. The choir director came up to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Now that's what it's all about.” Till this day I value the fact that she didn’t thank me. It was obvious that I did nothing except allow myself to be broken by God and stay obedient to His will.

God’s spirit is unleashed through the brokenness of the ministry leader. Leaders are called into dry areas, so Living Water can flow through them, saturating everything with God’s presence. However, the ministry leaders must be broken so that the Holy Spirit in them can move freely. Leaders are responsible for having a broken self-nature and an obedient heart; the rest is up to God.

God’s glory comes in all shapes and forms and through all types of ministries, but it is obvious when the Holy Spirit is present….you can taste His sweetness. God needs our brokenness, so the Holy Spirit in us has free reign. How is God breaking you today? Do you receive it or become callus? How would your ministry (family, marriage, career, relationships, etc.) be different if God's Spirit was in control?

"Our bodies are buried in brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, but they will be raised in strength. They are buried as natural human bodies, but they will be raised as spiritual bodies. For just as there are natural bodies, there are also spiritual bodies" (1 Corinthians 15.43-44 NLT).

Do Nothing

Today, I began reading the story of Jesus sleeping through the storm. The storm was bad enough to scare seasoned fishermen. These men have probably seen pretty bad storms, yet this one could have killed them. Though the situation was dire, Jesus did nothing to save their lives. The disciples had to wake Jesus and beg Him to intervene, and Jesus was none to happy about it: "He said to his disciples, 'Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?'" (Mark 4.40 NIV).

I also read about the first Easter, and realized the two stories are very similar. Jesus allowed the world to kill him, yet He did nothing stop them. There was a spiritual storm going on, but Jesus would not intervene. Jesus knew that His Crucifixion was a part of God's purpose. He had to have faith and relent to God's will.

After I read both stories, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me, "Sometimes I want you to do nothing."

I've experienced storms in my life in which I fought, begged and struggled. I realize in retrospect that I should have done nothing. I fought against situations, I begged God to help me and I struggled with people; but I should have just taken a cat-nap and let God deal with it. I needed to be still and meditate on God's greatness (Psalm 46.10).

God has battles He has anointed us to fight, and He promises us that He will go before us and claim our victory (Deuteronomy 20:4). However, there are battles that He will fight for us. There are situations, people and storms that God will take care of on our behalf, and He doesn't want us to lift a finger (Psalm 35.1). But we need to trust Him.

Sitting on our hands and trusting God is sometimes more painful than battling against everyone who persecutes us. We need to follow Jesus' example: Sometimes He confronted and other times He relented. Jesus trusted God's divine will.

All we have to do is stay in tuned with the Holy Spirit's leading. Is He telling us to prepare for battle or to prepare for bed? If we can pick and choose our battles based on God's ultimate design, we will not become wearing with defending ourselves all the time. God promises us that He will redeem us; we just need to have faith in His Word (Psalm 31.5).

Jesus did so many amazing things, and He was busy much of the time. However, He knew when He needed to work and when He needed to rest. If we could find that balance, we would reserve energy for the times God calls us to action. God does us a favor when He tells us to rest during the conflicts He knows we can do nothing about.

God allows certain storms to arise because they are a part of His master plan. If we fight against everything that attacks us, we might be accidentally resisting God: "But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God" (Acts 5.39 NIV).

Kingdom Faith

I already wrote about how the Kingdom is Here, but now I want to explore how to access the Kingdom in each of us. I would like to stress that the word "kingdom" denotes a King -- The King, The Creator, The God. In order to have the fulfillment of God's Kingdom (His purpose) in our lives, we need to first have a relationship with the King. The only way we can have a relationship with King is through His Son, Jesus. Once we have a relationship with Jesus, we receive God's Spirit (Holy Spirit) to guide us. God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit are three separate components of God, but they are all God.

Jesus' life was foretold by the prophets (Isaiah 53.3-5 NIV) in the Old Testament and was fulfilled and documented in the New Testament (Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23 & John 19). During His ministry on earth, Jesus taught us to "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near" (Matthew 4.17 NIV). There is an overall Kingdom fulfillment for this world that Jesus foreshadows in Luke 21; however, I believe that God has planted in each of us a Kingdom fulfillment.

I find it interesting that Jesus compared the Kingdom of Heaven to yeast. Yeast is dormant until it is placed in bread dough. (I believe that each of us have a Kingdom fulfillment, yet it will stay dormant until we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior.) The yeast works on individual particles in the dough and transforms them. The end result is a sweet, yummy loaf of bread (John 6.51 NIV).

This Kingdom image leads me to believe that we all have a kingdom purpose to fulfill, which will be a part of the Kingdom purpose of all existence. God's Kingdom fulfillment has already been established. His Kingdom will come whether we participate or not. It will be a shame, though, to see Jesus coming down from the skies riding a flying horse and realizing that we snoozed through this life and never fulfilled our purpose (Revelation 19.11 NIV).

Humans have two parts: We are flesh and spirit. Genesis 2.7 explains that "the LORD God formed the man from the dust [flesh] of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life [Spirit], and the man became a living being" (NIV). When we ask Jesus into our hearts, God plants His Kingdom purpose into our spirits. The only way we can fulfill our purpose is if we live in the spirit. The problem is that it is so much easier to live in the flesh. To live in the spirit takes A LOT of faith. The flesh and the spirit are always struggling for dominion. A person can not live divided. Either she is walking in the spirit or in the flesh. There is no middle ground.

So what do we do? How can we ensure we live in the spirit, so that we can fulfill our Kingdom purpose? The answer is easy, but it may not seem pleasing at first.... hardships.

God allows hardships in our lives for two main reason: First, they kill our flesh. As Christians, we need to desire the death of our flesh because, otherwise, we will never fulfill our Kingdom purpose. Since our flesh and spirit are constantly warring for control, God does us an absolute favor when He sends hardships our way to take out the flesh (Galatians 5.24, Romans 6.2, Romans 8.13). We will always be drawn to live in the flesh because it is just easier. If we allow God to beat down our flesh, we will more likely embrace the spirit.

Second, hardships build our faith. Faith is the key. According to our faith, will our Kingdom purpose be done (Matthew 17.20). I think it is interesting that we embrace physical exercise because we know it's going to build our bodies, yet we don't embrace hardships, which will build our faith. Every time we endure hardships and continue to believe God for His promises to us, our faith becomes stronger. We must have stellar faith in order to live in the spirit.

Faith is essential to fulfilling our Kingdom purpose. God is going to do something in us that will go against all odds (Matthew 19.26). We will need lots of faith to believe that He will work His beautiful plan through our messed-up lives (Philippians 1.6). The main way we build faith is through hardships. Hardships come in many forms, but we can claim victory to overcome them through Jesus Christ (1 John 5.3-5). When the sin of this world increases, God's grace increases (Romans 5.20). And we can do all things through Christ (Philippians 4.13).

I'm determined not to give-up when hardships come my way because I know that when my flesh is weak, my spirit will become strong (2 Corinthians 12.10). There is a battle between my flesh and spirit, and I want my spirit to win. It is only when we go through hardships, we can ensure that we fulfill the Kingdom purpose God has for us: "where they strengthened the believers. They encouraged them to continue in the faith, reminding them that we must suffer many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God" (Acts 14.22 NLT).

Therefore, let us face our hardships with determined victory because they bring to completion God's Kingdom fulfillment in our lives: "But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed" (1 Peter 4.13 NIV) and "Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory" (Romans 8.17 NIV).

What storms are you currently finding yourself in? How can you walk by faith and claim God's victory?

Silence in the Storm

During Jesus' day, disciples (students) didn't just go to school and learn from their teachers. They immersed themselves into their teacher's life. They followed their teacher almost every moment of every day. This is true for Jesus' twelve disciples. They were always with Jesus.

They experienced all the miracles first hand that Jesus performed. Each miracle I read, I believe in my heart that it is a historical fact that has been recorded into the Living Word of God. I don't doubt what the Bible says; however, that doesn't mean that I have faith in them. Belief and faith are two totally different claims.

As I was reading in my one-year Bible, I came across another of Jesus' miracles: "Then he stood up and told the wind to be silent, the sea to quiet down: 'Silence!' The sea became smooth as glass" (Matthew 8.26 Message). Jesus and His disciples were floating in the middle of a severe storm. The disciples believed they were drowning, and Jesus was taking a nap on the deck.

After Jesus spoke peace into this middle of this storm, The Message Bible reads in verse 27, "The men [disciples] rubbed their eyes, astonished. "What's going on here? Wind and sea come to heel at his command!"

Just that day Jesus had healed a leper, the Centurion's servant who was not even present, the "inwardly tormented" and the "bodily ill." Why all of a sudden did the disciples rub their eyes? What had changed to cause them to ask, "What's going on here?" They had seen Jesus do miracles. They had belief, but they still lacked faith.

The distinction between belief and faith occurs when the miracle needed becomes personal. It is easy to believe victory over someone else's storm, but it takes faith to claim victory over your own storm. God is teaching me faith because I'm learning to claim victory in my own storms while the waves of life are crashing on me, causing me to want to give-up and drown.

Faith is hard because everywhere I look, all I see is impossibility and hopelessness. I don't see an answer in the physical, but I need to claim God's solution in the spiritual. The storm is causing me to feel pain, worry, mistrust, fear and anger; but I need to take those thoughts captive and claim victory (2 Corinthians 10.5). The physical world is merely a manifestation of what's going on in the spiritual world. If I can shout victory in the spirit by faith, God can take that mustard seed of faith and create the solution (Matthew 17.20)!

What storm are you in the middle of today? A finance storm? A marriage storm? A job storm? A ministry storm? An inward storm? You are the eye of the storm. The storm wouldn't be there if you didn't exist. Don't just believe that God can do a miracle. Have faith that God is producing a miracle from the storm's center -- you. Stand up in faith and allow the Holy Spirit within to claim "Silence" over the storm.

Internet Cafe: Using our Filters

When my husband and I were first married, we lived in a tiny apartment. I could vacuum the entire house using one plug for the cord. My mom came to visit for a few days. She didn’t mind sleeping on the couch, but she did mind the lack of coffee supplies. She quickly went out to buy us a coffee pot, filters and coffee.

After my mom left, she sweetly left us the coffee pot for future visits. After a year in the tiny apartment, we upgraded to a bigger one. I brought the coffee pot and the filters along with us. We made coffee on rare occasions, and I was happy we were prepared.
When my husband and I finished schooling, we moved to another city for further training. As I packed the house for the move, I broke the coffee pot and decided to throw it away. However, I kept the coffee filters. There were a bunch of them, and I didn’t want to waste a perfectly usable product. So I put the filters in a plastic bag and packed them.

My husband and I moved into our first home. We were excited about the change and the new possibilities that came with it. Most of all, we were thrilled that we lived right next to a local coffee shop. I didn’t need to buy a coffee pot; and as the years went by, I completely forgot about the filters.

We moved one more time back to our hometown where my husband and I first met. As I was unpacking, I found the coffee filters. My husband must have tossed them into the box. I thought it was interesting that the filters had made it from our first home to our current home almost eight years later.

“What am I going to do with these filters?” I thought.

I kept them mainly for nostalgia’s sake. The filters were a sweet reminder of my marriage’s beginning. Finally back in our hometown, we joined a church and began to raise our growing family. A year later we started a church home group. My friend bought me a coffee pot for Christmas, and I started serving the much wanted coffee for my friends. I finally had a use for my coffee filters.

What I’ve come to understand is that God many times gives us coffee filters. He puts a desire, talent, promise or dream into our hearts way before we will ever use them. They just sit on the back burner, and we wonder why God ever gave us the passion in the first place.

But slowly, without us even realizing it, a need will come and we’ll finally get to do what God has called us to do. I don’t know why God places these dreams in our hearts so early, but I do know that we will greatly enjoy dedicating ourselves to those dreams when the time arrives…. I was excited to finally use my filters.

What about you? Has God given you a talent, dream, passion or promise that you haven’t been able to fulfill? Or have you finally been able to accomplish something that God anointed you for years in advance? Share your story with us, so we can be encouraged that God does finally let us use our filters.

“For no matter how many promises God has made, they are ‘Yes’ in Christ. And so through him the ‘Amen’ is spoken by us to the glory of God” (2 Corinthians 1.20 NIV).

You can also read it here Internet Cafe!

Transitions in the Road

My newest devo on GBD Ministry Site. Check out the other new ones here. If you would like to submit, go here!

I had to put my rollerblading on hold for about six years while my husband and I were growing our family. I enjoyed rollerblading a lot in my twenties, and it was so nice to finally be able to strap on my blades and hit the pavement. It took me several days of skating for my body and mind to remember how it was done.

I also noticed that I was a lot more carful skating than when I was in my twenties. I have a lot more responsibilities as a wife, mother and Jesus disciple; and I have people counting on me. Though I know life will go on as usual even if I did get hurt, I wasn’t going to purposely jump into any life-halting accidents.

As I rollerbladed, I was very careful during the transitions in the road. When the sidewalk gave way to the street, there were lots of bumps and rocks on my path. I had to focus my eyes directly on the path in front of me and slow down so I wouldn’t fall. Once I crossed the street and continued back on the sidewalk, I was able to look to the horizon and skate faster. Right before skating through another intersection, I felt the Holy Spirit say, “Be careful during the transitions in the road.”

God knows me so well. I tend to get an idea of God’s vision for me and charge full-steam ahead. However, when my life is in transition, I need to be cautious. I must pray about every detail, because the Enemy puts out many stumbling blocks when he thinks we are not looking. The Enemy doesn’t want us to change. He wants us to fall flat on our faces and give up. Transitions in our spiritual walk are very special. They signify a growth into Christlikeness; however, they are a bit chaotic.

As God entrusts us with more, we need to take great pains to seek God’s will more. As Christian leaders, people are looking to us for guidance. If we see a transition in the road, we need to slow down, stay clear of the bumps and rocks and keep our eyes focused on God.

Memory Verse:
“He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.”
- Proverbs 2.7-8

Prayer Prompt:
“Father, please guide me every day, especially during seasons of transition in my life. I want to continuously cling to You, Lord, so I do not absently fall into the Enemy’s schemes. I know that You will protect me if I stay obedient to Your guidance. And If I do happen to fall, You provide me with grace and mercy to get back up and continue on my path. Reveal to me areas of my life that I haven’t sought out Your will, including…”

Contributing Writer:
Alisa Hope Wagner

Internet Cafe: Boats & Promises

My family and I went to what we call “Angel Island,” which is a small patch of dirt in the middle of the canals on North Padre Island. We like this little island because the kids can’t wander off, and we can watch the boats and the skiers as they jet on by. On the other side of the canal on this particular day were two dogs. Their owners landed their boat on the strip of land adjacent to us, and the dogs enjoyed running up and down the length of the shore.

Whenever a boat or jet skier would drive by, one of the dogs would chase it until he ran out of land. He would start at one end of the strip and run the distance of a football field to the other side. The boats were going about 35 mph, and this dog kept pace! I couldn’t believe how fast he ran and how excited he looked chasing these boats.

I felt kind of bad for the dog, though. He never caught the boats. The land would run out and the boats would zip on past him. The dog didn’t seem to mind because he would go back to where he started and wait for another boat to come. I think the dog loved the thrill of chasing the boats. He didn’t really need to catch them.

This made me think of God’s promises to us. I’ve realized that God always puts His promises to us way out in the distance. They are almost never within our immediate reach. In order to claim these promises, we have to get our running shoes on and chase them.

“Why do you make it so hard, God?” I asked Him.

God whispered into my heart: “Those promises mean very little to me, but you mean everything to me. I place those promises away from you so you can move from Point A (old selfish nature) to Point B (Christ-likeness). I want you close to me, so I place promises along the way to draw you near and to teach, encourage and bless you.”

Finally, after years of waiting on God to fulfill His promises to me, I understood what I was doing wrong. God’s promises are already fulfilled. If He gave them to me, they are recorded in history as completed and I shouldn’t worry about the timing. What I need to focus on is the chase. How am I running after my promises? Am I focused like that dog with a huge grin on my face and my tongue lolling out to one side? Or am I whining and complaining to God that He is taking too long and He is making it too hard?

I think God wants to us to enjoy the chase. He put promises around us to make life fun and rewarding. He didn’t put them there to make us miserable. My goal for myself now is to enjoy the chase. Chasing dreams is a privilege, and God has given me gifts, talents and the Holy Spirit to help me run to win.

Unlike the dog, if I run out of land, God will teach me to run on water so I can continue to chase my boat. And when I finally catch it, I want to be eager for another promise and another chase! Promises help me to cultivate a deeper relationship with God, so I want to chase after a bunch of them! I desire for Jesus to be my best friend before I meet Him face to face.

What promises has God given you? Are you chasing them with determination, clinging onto Him the entire way? How can you begin to enjoy the chase and feel secure in His love for you?

“I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise” (Psalm 119.58 NIV).

You can also read this at the Internet Cafe!

Sanctified Together Publication

Here is the article that I published in the Sanctified Together Email & Online Publication -- Issue: Belt of Truth. Sign up to receive the free publication via email by clicking here.

We are wrapping up the next issue: Life as a Vapor. It will be published the beginning of April. We have the publications available online or you can print out the PDF file. We would love for you to submit your writing for the summer issue: Measure of a Woman. Visit our Get Involved Page for information on how to submit.

To download and/or print

Drinking from an Empty Carton

Have you ever watched a character in a milk commercial drink from a carton? The character lifts the milk to his lips, and the carton appears virtually weightless. After the character takes his drink, you wait for the swallow, but it never comes. The character offers an indulgent smile, yet there is not a drop of milk on his lips. Commercials try to creatively make the carton appear full, yet there is nothing in it. The effort used to put on this charade begs the question, "Why not just drink from a carton that is full?"

The sad truth is that we Christians do the same thing in our walks of faith. We tend to embrace the performance of our faith rather than embrace the Maker of our faith. We are diligent about managing our ministries, serving others and gaining biblical knowledge, yet we slack on knowing our God more intimately. We don't do it on purpose. Our intentions are never to take our focus off of God and place it on our performance for God, but we do. We are so busy serving Him that we don't have time to spend with Him. We fall into the performance-based spirituality, and our relationship with God takes a back seat.

Performance-based spirituality is one of the main plugs stopping the flow of the Holy Spirit. We forget that God is infinitely creative and has a plethora of resources at His disposal. We can never assume that we know how our steps of obedience are going to play out: "A man's steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way?" (Proverbs 20.24 NIV). Yet, without consulting God we get a spiritual performance (ministry, service, tradition, etc.) in our mind, and we work hard to achieve it - even if it costs us our time with God.

In this culture today we are very busy, and we complain to God that there isn't enough time to spend with Him. However, our time is God's number one desire. If we don't give God our time, how are we expected to cultivate a relationship with Him? God would never ask us to serve Him in a way that prevented us from spending time with Him. In the book of Mark, a religious leader asked Jesus which commandment was the most important, and Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength" (12.30). If loving God is the highest commandment, why would God put us in a circumstance that conflicts with spending time with Him?

Today we have so many choices which force us to daily make hundreds of decisions. What should we watch, read, eat and wear? What ministry should we support? What online social network should we join? What ideology (way of thinking) should we commit to? What social cause should we embrace? What life purpose should we focus on? If we are not carefully walking in the Spirit, we're going to be overwhelmed with choices and begin to second guess ourselves. We will become bogged down in a swamp of choice, and our purpose of reaching our full potential in Christ will be jeopardized.

There are thousands of great ministries, media venues, compassion campaigns and people doing a good work for God's kingdom. However, if our spiritual walks are performance-based, we may find ourselves lost in a market full of good work vendors and no guide to lead us in the right direction. These vendors line our path and call out our names, trying to persuade us that their good work is an absolute must for our walk of faith. There is nothing wrong with these good works, but the Holy Spirit has to daily show us which ones we should carry and which ones we should let go. If we are not allowing the Holy Spirit to direct us, we'll carry the same good works forever and pile on more until our views become blocked and our arms become heavy.

Moreover, if all of our time and energy is spent on spiritual-based performance and not on God, those good works become idols. God specifically says that He hates it when we cling to idols instead of trusting Him (Psalm 31.6 NIV). When we desire a relationship with God and strive to know Him more, our good works will be an outflow of the Holy Spirit working in us. We won't have to worry about doing the wrong good works or doing too many good works because God promises that if we put Him first, He'll take care of everything: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6.33). Our purpose in life is to have an intimate relationship with our Creator; everything else is merely the icing on the cake!

If you are feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin, take a few moments to have an honest discourse with God. Ask Him if there are any areas of your life that you have been "drinking from an empty carton." He will show you. Give those areas over to God and let go of your idea of what your spiritual walk should look like. Choose to put knowing God intimately as your highest priority, and He will free you from performance-based spirituality. Make sure that in everything you do that the carton is filled with God's spirit. In this way, you will ensure that you don't waste your time and energy on an empty performance that leaves you feeling unfilled, tired and malnourished.

Internet Cafe: Potty Training & God Training

I know that many women have been able to potty train their kids over night, but that has never been the case for me. Whenever I read an article that boasts, “Potty train your toddler in 24 hours,” I want to laugh.

All their lives, toddlers have been doing their business in a diaper, and overnight they are expected to change everything they are comfortable with and used to. . . ?

Come on, now! How is that possible?!

Yes, I know some of you have experienced that potty-miracle, but not this chick; and I suspect many other women haven’t experienced that miracle either.

My second born son is now almost three, and I must confess, I so wanted to keep a diaper on him until he turned 16. I have a lot of regrets from potty training my first born, and I was not looking forward to rehearsing all my mistakes.

This time I was determined to have realistic goals for my son. I decided to be a big ball of spiritual fruits — patience, kindness, self-control, etc. It has been two months since I started potty training my son, and he will go pee-pee in the toilet; but he still will not go poo-poo (you can add your own bowl movement euphemism).

When I first started potty training my second son, he wouldn’t even sit on the toilet, let alone do his business. He was scared of it. So my only goal has been to de-fear him.

Everyday my son sits on the toilet after we eat lunch, and we play. I read him books, we sing songs, we play games . . . I do everything to make the toilet a fun place to be. I will continue to work towards making him feel comfortable, while demanding and expecting nothing from him.

Though he hasn’t as yet completed the desired goal, I’m still proud of him. He has come a long way from the boy crying gator-tears, sitting with his legs in the air on the toilet. He now sits comfortably, while laughing and smiling.

Would you mind if I tied this potty experience into something that God taught me? He doesn’t waste a good metaphor, does He?

God is constantly training us to be more Christ-like, and change is very hard. I have a friend who moved and lost all of her spiritual-support group. She is alone in another country, and she is having difficulty being intimate with God. She is very relational and not having the influences of her Christian friends has created a gap in her spiritual-growth — a gap that God wants to fill.

She says that she doesn’t feel God doing anything with her. She doesn’t feel any great movements of the Holy Spirit. She wonders if she is doing something wrong.

I told her, “You are doing something right!”

God is allowing my friend to get comfortable just being with Him without her usual infrastructure of spiritual help. He is not pushing her or expecting much of her; He just wants her to get used to this new level of intimacy. Once she is comfortable, He’ll be ready to ask more of her.

Do you feel like God is doing nothing with you? Are you scared because you are in the middle of change? Don’t be hard on yourself! God will not push you! He cares for you, and He wants to make this transition easy.

“For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11.30 NIV).
“Thank You, God, for making Your yoke light. Help me to understand that You are caring and gentle, not hard and demanding. Guide me and show me how You are making me into the perfect design that You created me to be. I pray this in Jesus’ name, Amen.”


You can also read this at the Internet Cafe.

Never a Writer

When I was fourteen years old, my family moved from Fairbanks, Alaska, to Corpus Christi, Texas. I was really excited. I would be starting high school in a beach town and I couldn’t wait to get involved in the sports program! Playing sports was everything to me. I disciplined myself in sports, I enjoyed playing sports and much of my identity was wrapped up in sports. All I wanted was to move to Corpus Christi and start high school on the right foot – playing sports!

The sports I loved most were track, gymnastics, volleyball and softball. I played these sports from a young age, and I was confident that I would exceed in my new high school. When we moved to Corpus Christi, however, I discovered devastating news: the local high schools didn’t have gymnastics, volleyball or softball – all they had was track! I couldn’t believe it! Texas schools were about two things back then: cheerleading and football.

I floundered my first two years of high school. I never learned the discipline of studying or reading. I almost never did my homework, and I never read books. I would watch people read books, and I wondered what was going on in their minds. In fact, the first book I read all the way through was during our drive from Fairbanks to Corpus Christi. I devoured the book, and I couldn’t believe all the beautiful images and emotions that went through my mind. I loved it! Yet, I still hadn’t learned the discipline of reading, so I didn’t pick up another book for several years.

During my freshmen year in high school, I felt hopeless and detached. I had lost my identity, my method of meeting friends (on the playing field) and my sense of achievement. Is it any wonder I accepted Jesus during this time? I struggled with feeling disconnected – I was in a new state, new culture, new climate (Corpus never has a winter) and new changes in my body, and I had nothing to cling to for acceptance. I started studying a little bit more, and I was shocked when someone called me “the smart girl.” Actually, I was thrilled! At least I had some kind of title!

During my sophomore year of high school, I ran track; but it wasn’t the same. There was no sense of teamwork. I enjoyed my track friends, but I still didn’t feel connected. Finally, my junior year in high school, I started tentatively writing. My grammar was pathetic, but I wrote with a lot of emotion. I felt a little tug toward writing, and I started writing in a journal (it is really embarrassing reading my high school journal and seeing just how desperately pitiful I was in high school).

My junior English teacher had us write an essay about Thomas Paine’s famous line, “These are the times that try men's souls.” We were supposed to research current social issues and discuss them in our essay. I, of course, didn’t know how to research, so I wrote a satirical essay that made fun of the boys in our high school. I didn’t realize that I was writing a satire, but I whipped up the essay (grammar mistakes and all) in about ten minutes. The next week as I walked into class, my teacher had a big smile on her face and she told me how much she enjoyed my writing. She said that I should write for a magazine. She even read that essay to all of her classes.

I was ecstatic, and my waning self-esteem had a dramatic boost! I finally found something that I did well, and it had nothing to do with sports. My senior year, I took a creative writing class and I excelled. My grammar still wasn’t great, but my teacher got excited about what I wrote. I started to get some confidence in my writing, and I began to integrate writing into my identity.

I went to college without any idea what degree plan I would take. I did, however, take a lot of English classes. I finally took a grammar class, and the hazy world of grammar started to become more clear. At the beginning of my junior year in college, my guidance counselor said that I would have to choose a degree plan. I chose English because I had no idea what I wanted to be, and I couldn’t think of anything else.

One day while I was in the mobile home that I shared with a friend in college, God told me that I was going to be a writer. I was twenty-one. I remember shrugging my shoulders and thinking to myself, “Well, I better start reading then.” Once I knew that God wanted me to write, my writing improved dramatically. One English professor, whom I had taken for two semesters, even commented about the remarkable change in my writing. She contributed my writing improvement to her excellent teaching skills (she was a good teacher), but I never told her the full story. I finally had a God-given purpose, and I had a clear goal at which to aim.

I write all this because for years I never understood why God brought me clear across the country to a school that didn’t have the sports that I loved. I always questioned God and wondered why my first two years of high school had to be so hard. It wasn’t until a friend showed me her “life timeline” that I gained understanding.

My friend made a timeline of her life and wrote down the big events (bad and good) that happened to her. Then, she looked at each event and asked the question, “Where was God’s hand in this?” I discussed her timeline with her, and we were able to help her gain many beautiful insights of God’s guidance in her walk of faith.

When I thought about my life, the first thing that came to my mind was my freshmen year in high school. It was very much a low point for me. However, I realized that if I had not gone through that struggle, I might not have become a Christian, and I definitely wouldn’t be a writer. God in His awesome way allowed hardships in my life, so I could become who I am today. I can say with all honesty that I am glad I went through what I did. Of course, there is more to the story; but I’m glad God gave me clarity concerning this particular struggle. I look forward to the day that God gives me complete clarity about my life. I know I will be mighty glad that I trusted Him and stayed obedient to His will.

What about you? Do you want clarity about some of the events that happened in your life? Part of knowing God more intimately is knowing who you are in Christ. God says that you are a pleasing aroma to Him (2 Corinthians 2.15). You need to know the ingredients to that “aroma” so you can make that fragrance even more distinct for God. Moreover, the world needs to see who you are as a believer, and it is hard to be open about your Christianity when you have no clear identity as a believer.

I challenge each of you to make a timeline of your life. You can bring it before the Lord and ask Him to show you His hand in all the hard times and good times. I would also suggest you enlist a close friend to talk you through it, as well. I did this with my friend, and she came away with a better understanding of how God has moved in her life and how her circumstances has made her the sweet fragrance she is today.

Remember this: Your test becomes your testimony and your mess becomes your message. Strive to gain understanding about your walk of faith, and God will bless your efforts: “Blessed is the man [woman] who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold” (Proverbs 3.13-14 NIV). God loves you, and He will match your heartache with His grace. Trust Him with your life. God is faithful, and He desires a strong relationship with you.

“God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our
Lord, is faithful” (1 Corinthians 1.9 NIV).

You can also find this article at my column, Feminine Fire, at Take Root and Write!

Gathering Empty Pitchers

Women are constantly serving the needs of others. Almost every night we fall into our beds depleted of energy and devoid of passion. We are completely empty, and we wonder how we’ll find the strength to make it through another day.

I’ve had many nights like this. Out of obedience, I pour into the lives of family and friends, and I fulfill the many obligations that come with life. Hands continuously grope at the fleeting seconds of my day, and I desperately search for the scraps. When there are no leftovers to be found, I hold my empty hands up to God and cry out, “Lord, there is nothing left for me!”

As I contemplated more ways to hoard my little scraps, God taught me a beautiful lesson that has forever changed my life. He taught me how to Gather Empty Pitchers!

I read the story about Elisha and the widow found in 2 Kings: 4.1-7.

A prophet died and left his wife and sons with a considerable debt. The debtor was going to come and take the widow’s sons away to pay for the debt. The widow came to Elisha and asked for his help. Elisha asked the woman if she had anything of value, and at first the woman said no; but then she admitted to having a little oil. Elisha told the woman to gather all the pitchers she could find and take the oil and fill each of them. The oil poured out until there were no more empty pitchers. The woman was able to sell the oil and keep her sons.

When I read this story, I imagined the woman carefully pouring her oil into each pitcher. As she held one of the pitchers and poured oil to its rim, she cried out, “Another pitcher, please.” But there were no more. I could see the desperation on the woman’s face as she realized how very few pitchers she had filled.

I felt the woman’s anguish over not having more pitchers. I wished that she would have been more prepared. If she would have taken Elisha’s words more seriously, she would have spent weeks or even months gathering empty pitchers. That’s when I felt God say to me, “You are gathering empty pitchers.”

I didn’t quite understand what God meant, but I knew He was about to give me hope in my obedient emptiness.

I meditated on the story for several days, discussing it with God and friends. Finally, I felt the last puzzle piece fall into place and an amazing image of empty pitchers appeared in my mind. I figured out how I could gather empty pitchers! At long last, I understood how I could find my “true self” by sacrificing myself!

Jesus said, “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it do to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?” (Luke 9.23 Message).

How could “Self-sacrifice” be beneficial to finding my “true self”?

If God is my Creator and the Creator of all things, wouldn’t it stand to reason that He knows me better than I know myself? And if He designed me for a specific purpose, wouldn’t it be to my benefit that I surrender to His will completely?

But why does it seem that God would have us continuously pour ourselves into those around us? So many times we want to be like the widow. She didn’t want to let Elisha know that she had a small jar of oil at home. We do the same thing. We don’t want to let go of the little time, resources and energy we have because we’re scared there will be nothing left for us.

But this is not the case. Every time we pour our lives out for God’s glory, we leave an empty pitcher for God to fill. Every time we serve the needs of our children, we leave an empty pitcher. Every time we sacrifice our bodies for our husbands, we leave an empty pitcher. Every time we pour into the lives of our friends, we leave an empty pitcher. Every time we give resources to the poor and disadvantaged, we leave an empty pitcher. And every time we surrender our desires to the Holy Spirit, we leave an empty pitcher.

Sometimes God fills those empty pitchers immediately, and we are instantly blessed for our sacrifice. However, most of the time, the empty pitchers gather. God allows them to gather because He knows that He is about to open the heavens and pour down the blessings. He wants you to be ready with a bunch of empty pitchers, so you do not cry out, “Another pitcher, please!”

This revelation has helped me because now I look forward to leaving empty pitchers. Every time I serve those around me, I open myself to be blessed by God. And the most awesome part about pouring myself out to others is that God loves my emptiness! He can complete His divine work only in my emptiness! The “real me” shows up when I have nothing left to hoard!

Be constantly mindful, though, that you do not try to get others to fill your pitchers. Wait on God's hand! If we expect others to give us something in return, God will not bless our actions. He only fills empty pitchers (Matthew 6.1).

Sometimes we forget that God is the everlasting Creator. He specializes in creating something out of nothing. In the Old Testament God created life out of emptiness: “Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters” (Genesis 1.2 NIV). And in the New Testament God created new life from an Empty Tomb (John 20).

If we are constantly pouring ourselves into the lives others, God is able to create something beautiful within our emptiness. So many times we think we could do a better job than God can at molding us. We pray to God to make us more like Him; then, we scold Him for not doing things our way (Isaiah 29.16). God created life! How could we possibly top that? Whenever we try to take control, we just create chaos and heartache.

God in His infinite wisdom knows that we want to meddle with His creation, so He ensures our humbleness by keeping us continually poured out to others. Our brokenness allows the Holy Spirit to easily pour through us, and it makes us more malleable so that God can complete the good work He started in us (Philippians 1.6).

God is so awesome because He made our self-sacrifice doubly good. God blesses us when we sacrifice for others because we are able to leave empty pitchers for Him to fill and He blesses us when we sacrifice for others because He is able to create us into His image. It’s the best two-for-one-deal in the entire universe! This is why Jesus said that the only way to find your “true self” is to sacrifice yourself. Only God knows our “true self” and only He can complete His design.

So the next time you feel exhausted and your lift your empty hands up to God, cry out to Him, “God, create life in me!” And if you feel like you’ve messed up the life He has already given you, lift up your hands to Him and cry out, “God, create new life in me!”

If you can stay broken by continually pouring yourself into the lives of others, God will be able to bless you and create your emptiness into a thing of beauty. Don’t hold anything back! Trust God with all you have and start gathering empty pitchers!

Abiding

Boy Lessons - Part 3

I take all three of my kids to the gym with me. My baby girl is 5 months, so I cart her around in her stroller. My two boys stay close to me as we walk through the parking lot to the sidewalk that leads to the gym's Kids' Club. My boys know to stay close to me in the parking lot because the cars scare them and they sense the danger. Once we get to the sidewalk, however, it's a free-for-all, and they run ahead of me.

When we first began this walk, I would urge them to stay close. My heart raced because drivers are constantly cruising down the street looking for parking, and one of my boys could easily take a few steps off of the sidewalk and get hit. Also, the boys would get to the Kids' Club so fast that they would have to wait for me to catch up. They couldn't enter in without me, so they just stood there anxiously crying for me to hurry.

One particularly nerve-wracking morning, they ran ahead of me again. I kept yelling for them to wait, but my voice was getting blown away with the wind. I remember thinking that if they would only walk with me, I could protect them and enjoy their presence. I could chat with them, ask them questions and tell them how awesome they each are. Also, if they stayed with me, they wouldn't be anxiously waiting for me at the entrance. There would be absolutely no lag time, and they would arrive at the entrance and immediately walk in.

As I tried to push the stroller faster toward the Kids' Club where my boys were waiting, God gave me an image of me constantly moving ahead of Him. In that moment, I understood what God had been telling me for years. I realized that whenever I get a glimpse of where God is leading me, I take off running. I run from His protection and from His presence.

I did this exact thing with the Granola Bar Devotional Ministry. God directed me towards doing this ministry and, zip, I took off. I was so busy editing, marketing and writing that I didn't have much time to spend with Him. I was so consumed with trying to make this ministry successful, that I didn't enjoy the process of starting a ministry. It was a lot of work, and I made a lot of mistakes. I had to change a lot of things and do a lot of things over.

I look back and recognize that I wasted a lot of time and energy and endured needless heartache and frustration. If I would have clung to God during the entire process, I would not have made so many mistakes, I would have enjoyed myself more and I would have established this ministry in His perfect timing. Instead of making a straight shot, I made a bunch of zig-zags, u-turns and complete stops and start overs. I wasted my time running and then crying out to God to hurry up! I could have skipped all the chaos if I would have just abided (to stay) in Him.

Abiding is so important. Abiding is why we were created. Abiding is our joy. Abiding is our protection. Abiding is everything. Ministry is just a side note and nothing more. When we make a ministry more important than God, we have seriously failed. Our purpose is to love God and to allow Him to love us. Anything else in this life is simply a manifestation of His divine love.

So now when God shows me the "sidewalk," I don't run off; instead, I stay close to Him. Life is so short, and God has a specific design and plan for me. I don't want to miss it or mess it up. I wasted a lot of time not abiding in Him, and I do not want to make the same reckless mistake. If I would simply abide in Him, I would fulfill my God-given purpose and enjoy life in the process.

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it
abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me" (John 15.4 NASB).

Here is a photo of my boys staying close to me. Isn't abiding a beautiful thing?!

Boy Lessons - Part 2: Invincible in Love

Boy Lessons - Part 1: Get Out the Way

Just a Slight Turn

Why is it that women plan so much. God asks us to take a step of faith, and for some reason we plan an entire journey to go along with that one tiny step.

I've been very confused lately. God asked me to take a step of faith over a year ago, and I've mapped out my entire life in the direction of this step. Lately, however, I haven't had any clarity. The time is up for me to take the next several steps in the journey that I planned out, but God is not directing me in that path. I feel lost in a train station full of tracks that lead in different directions.

Finally, I begged God to help me. I told God that He had put me on a journey but has stopped leading me. And God told me, "I never told you to go on this journey. I simply asked you to take a step in that direction. I have another journey for you that is far better than what you could ever plan, so why don't you just give up planning your life altogether."

I was so excited because -- truth be told -- I was never very thrilled about the journey I had planned for myself. In fact, I hated the journey, but I just kept telling myself, "If God wants me there, then my happiness will be there too." But, no matter how much faith I had, I just couldn't find joy in the situation. God hadn't chosen that direction for me; of course, I couldn't find joy!

Now I am so pumped about the future. I have realized that there is absolutely NO WAY I could ever plan my life as well as the Master Planner. He has so many wonderful things in store for me and my family, and nothing I could imagine could ever come close. I am going to try very hard not to plan. I've learned that just because God has me take a step in one direction, it doesn't mean I know the rest of the journey. I know nothing compared to God. How could my extremely limited viewpoint ever plan further than one day?

I am so relieved that I don't have to plan. God has something so cool prepared for me, and I don't want to mess it all up! I just want to rest in the Lord and trust that He will guide each day's steps, which will eventually unfold into an AWESOME God-designed journey! Thank You, Lord, for teaching me to abide in You. Free me from the plans that weigh down my life and muck up my brain!

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that
prevails. -Proverbs 19.21

That Stinking "I" in Pride.

A while back I was reading a book about God's grace, and I had to be honest with God. I didn't quite understand the whole concept of grace. I knew it was important because I've read so much about it, but it was obvious I was missing something. I prayed and asked God to help me gain a better understanding, and I had faith that He would.

God kicked-off my lesson in grace a few days later while I was in the shower. (It seems like God always talks to me in the shower). I was complaining to God about how I always make mistakes and that it feels like no matter what I do, what I read, what I learn; I always say, do or think something wrong. I always fail. I always fall. I always sin.

I was acting like the victim in this thing called life, and I pointed my finger at God and demanded, "Why is life so difficult"? "Why do I always stumble?" "Why do I always do something stupid?"

On my spiritual journey, I have an idea of where I want to be, and no matter how I grow, it feels like I always fall short. The person I want to be doesn't put her foot in her mouth. The person I want to be doesn't have insecurities. The person I want to be doesn't have problems with eating, lusting, lying, gossiping, pride, laziness, blah, blah, blah. The person I want to be is PERFECT!!!

Oh! And that's when God pulled a fast one on me. He uncovered my "I'm-the-victim-attitude" and exposed it for what it really was: pride. I wasn't where I thought I should be and I was upset: pride. I couldn't accept the fact that I was flawed and I made mistakes: pride. I didn't want others know my struggles and watch me stumble: pride. My little pity-party was boiling over the flame called pride.

And after God nicely humbled me there in the shower, He gave me a smile (in my mind's eye) and said gently, "That's why you need my grace."

What I realized is that I didn't want to accept God's grace because my pride was telling me that I should be something that I was not. But I am a woman that says things to friends that I later regret. I am a woman who just ate about 15 Peppermint York Patties without stopping to exert some semblance of self-control. I am a woman who has to fight with feelings of insecurity and inferiority. I am a woman who has to stop herself from judging the actions and decisions of others. I am a woman who's stuck in the middle of a battle between her own will and the will of the Holy Spirit.

I am not perfect, and I will never be. I will fall on a daily basis and those around me will see it. I can't put on a show for others or for me. Accepting God's grace frees me from being hard on myself. I am not loved because I try to be the best Christian girl possible. I am loved because God created me and He chooses to love me. There is nothing that I can do to make Him love me more or less. I will make mistakes, and I should not care who sees them because I have grace. And I won't use those mistakes to justify playing the victim role again.


Just today I read some of Jeanne Guyon's writings that spoke on this topic. She lived in the 1600s, which comforted me because I realized that even women in the 1600s dealt with this problem and overcame it. She wrote:


"Always guard yourself from being anxious because of your faults. First of all, such distress only stirs up the soul and distracts you to outward things. Secondly, your distress really springs from a secret root of pride. What you are experiencing is, in fact, a love of your own worth. To put it in other words, you are simply hurt and upset at seeing what you really are. If the Lord should be so merciful as to give you a true spirit of His humility, you will not be surprised at your faults, your failures, or even your own basic nature."


Thank You, God, for Your grace. Help me to see the beauty in holes of my weakness, for that is where Your glory shines through.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Spiritual Plank

I've usually understood spiritual growth in two forms: First, I've experienced growth when I make small or huge spiritual strides. This happens when I feel God teaching me, and I find myself changing attitudes and actions accordingly.

Second, I've experienced growth when God gives me rest. Though this may not seem like growth, it is an important part of the process. This happens when God allows me peace in order to rest after a spiritual growth spurt or right before one is about to occur.

What is new to me -- because I just noticed it -- is what I'm calling the "spiritual plank."

Today I worked with a personal trainer at the gym (I just had third baby and I'm trying to get back into shape). I was not in the mood to work out at all. But she pushed me like normal, and I obediently did what she said without my usual enthusiasm and energy. At the end of my session, she had me do the plank. I hate the plank.

The plank is when you get on your forearms and toes, flatten the length of your body, and hold this position for a short amount of time. In my case, I had to hold it for one minute. I was miserable. I would rather be doing crunches, squats, push ups or anything else that makes me move. Better yet, I would rather be resting on my mat.

Instead, I was holding the plank position and my entire body was shaking. I don't think there was a single muscle that was not straining to hold that position. Thankfully, the minute ended and I collapsed on my mat. But what I realized later that day is that I'm currently in spiritual plank.

I don't feel like I'm making any spiritual strides at the moment, but I don't feel like I'm in spiritual peace either. I feel like I'm in a holding position.

I still feel close to God, but I don't feel like I'm experiencing any wowing revelations. I'm not upset with the world or my life, but I'm not feeling all that amazed at the moment (though, I must admit, I have tons to be thankful for).

I just feel like I'm waiting and counting the days until God says, "Time," and allows me to collapse or He says, "Get up," and He puts me to work. It kind of feels like something is just around the corner, and God is stabilizing me and strengthening the core of who I am.

At least the cool thing is that normally I would get all emotional doing the spiritual plank. I would sense this time of readiness and not trust God. I would complain to Him that the spiritual plank stinks and would continually ask Him when it would be over.

However, I won't allow myself to fear and complain this time. I'm not a little kid anymore. I can handle a little pressure, a little waiting and a little work-out from the Father. He's my personal spiritual trainer, and I trust that He will only push me to my breaking point . . . and that is both a comforting and thrilling thought.

From Strength to Strength

God never promised life would be easy. In fact, hardships in life are a guarantee. I used to wonder about this. How come some days with Christ seem so easy and refreshing and other days seem to test my very resolve? Was I do something wrong? If I were a good Christian little girl, wouldn't I always have peace in my heart and a song on my lips?

God gave me freedom from my wrong thinking when I read Psalms 84.5-7:

Blessed are those who strength is in you, who have set their hearts on
pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.

The first few lines of the verse directly states that we will need strength in this life; therefore, God knows that things will be hard. But we need to understand that this is a journey (pilgrimage) and we must resolve to walk the paths that God directs us on no matter how easy or difficult or how boring or glamorous.

Also, this life is the "Valley of Baca" or the Valley of Weeping, but we can make it a "place of springs," which means this life will be filled with hardships but somehow we can find refreshment and joy. To find a spring in the desert was no small blessing -- it was a life-saving miracle! I am determined to look for those springs because I know they are everywhere. I just need to allow the Holy Spirit to guide me to them.

And God also says that He will rain down His blessings and they will form into pools during our trek through the desert. This was like a breakthrough for me. I always wondered why I could feel so close to God and so refreshed and joyful one day and a month later feel exhausted and distant from Him. This is because God promised us "springs" during our walk through this life, not an endless ocean.

Springs mean that we will be refreshed at times, but then we will have to get up, break a sweat, and make our way through the desert by exerting our sheer determination and dependence on God. We will have moments of being rejuvenated, but then God will allow us to use our own two legs and forge ahead through this pilgrimage relying on His strength.

We will not be able to drift on a lifeboat, while sunning our backs and waiting for our life to gently escort us to Zion. On the contrary, we'll probably be dragging our broken bodies to Zion, which is okay because "The joy of the Lord is your strength" Nehemiah 8.10.

And when we each reach our final destination (face to face to God in Heaven) we will be worn-out and depleted, but we will be filled with the excitement and peace that we completed the journey that God created for us. So during my journey, I will rejoice when I come to a spring and I will soak in every last bit of refreshment from it; but when the water is gone and I'm feeling like a cannot take another step, I will find my strength in Him!

Hope Deferred!

I love to meditate on Proverbs 13.12: "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree of life" (NAS).

God sometimes gives us promises that won't be fulfilled for a long time. Why He does this, I do not know. Why, for instance, did He anoint King David to be King when David was just a boy? Why did God give Moses the passion to save his people when he wouldn't be ready for the task for another 40 years? Why did Paul have the ambition to change the world before he was even a Christian? Why does God allow the passion to burn within us, securing a promise for us years before that very promise will be fulfilled?

This hope that Proverbs 13.12 describes reminds me of the hope that we have in God's promises. And the part about making the heart sick really encourages me. I used to feel bad for desiring a promise so much that it hurt. But this scripture acknowledges it and doesn't try to make light of it. Although I know that we shouldn't question why God has postponed a promise according to His sovereign plan, it still is nice to know that God understands our heartaches.

But what is really cool is that when the promise is finally fulfilled and our patient obedience finally pays off, we will receive a "Tree of life." I never really contemplated this. I just thought it sounded good. But when I did some research, I found that the "Tree of life" represents a bounty of blessings, not just one.

During my quiet time, I researched what fruit the "Tree of life" could produce, and I was blown away. I went ahead and picked 12 fruits that I would want on my tree: peace, authority over sin, healing, strength, wisdom, Christ-centeredness, blessings, God's will, success, favor, understanding and protection. Now I think those fruits are worth waiting for until they are ripe and juicy!

"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise.”
- Hebrews 10:23

"And I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the LORD."
- Hosea 2:20

The Still Great Egret

http://www.waterlilies.org/photolog/corpus-christi/

I saw a Great Egret standing on

a post this dismal day.

~

His white feathers shown bright

against the grey and gloomy bay.

~

The wind circled around the post

taunting the Egret to sway.

~

But the Egret stood silent and

still, moving neither way.

~

The rain poked the quiet Egret,

but not a feather did stray.

~

I wondered why in a fierce squall,

the poor Egret would stay.

~

God whispered, "Stand strong the storm,

and my Glory I will display."

~

The sun squelched that vexing gale,

and the Egret soared away.

~

Dedicated to Cheryl and Doyle Grundy