One Talent and Proud!

In the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25.14-27), a Master gives three of His servants money to invest while He's away. He gives one servant 1 talent, another 2 talents and the other 5 talents. A talent is a measurement (weight) of gold or silver. If the Master was giving gold, the value of one talent would be a staggering $840,000! Needless to say, the Master trusted even His 1 talent servant with a great responsibility.

Whenever I read this parable, though, I often times become a little anxious. I wonder if am a 1, 2 or 5 talent kind of girl. Are my "abilities" worthy enough to handle the 5 spot or am I only strong enough for the 1? I know the emphasis of the parable is placed on the effort. No matter what God gives us, we should do our best to serve Him and His kingdom. However, I have trouble with some scholars' opinions that God blesses some people with more talents than others--like somehow there are "Christian Elite," and they have special purposes that surpass the rest of us. The Bible was written for all of us, and the promises that fill it are for each child of God to claim--not just a few.

When I was contemplating all of this, I felt the Holy Spirit tell me that I was looking at the parable one-dimensionally and that there was a fullness that I was missing. Then I realized that I was all three servants. God has blessed me with 1, 2 and 5 talents according to my abilities. To be honest, I have very few 5 talents, a handful of two talents and a slew of 1 talents. I can comfortably confess that there are many areas that God has given me only 1 talent of ability. I do the best that I can with my 1 talent, but my efforts won't be able to produce what others can produce with their 5 talents.

For example, I find it difficult to speak one-on-one with people. I have friends that take this ability for granted. They don't see what is so special about being able to casually talk about church and life with people they just met. I, on the other hand, am in awe of their communicative suaveness, and I appreciate the amazing gift that they have been given. They have 5 talents in an area that I only have 1. Sometimes, I wish I could just bury my 1 talent in the ground, but God expects me to put forth the effort, even if it's uncomfortable and exhausting for me. Thankfully, though, God usually allows me to rest in this area, and I enjoy taking a backseat to the social-butterfly.

When I do run into people face-to-face, I use my 1 talent to the best of my abilities, and I know that God is pleased. I won't ignore people just because I'm uncomfortable. I know that even my 1 talent is worth almost a million dollars, and I won't squander it just because I'm an introvert. Thankfully, God gave me more talents in another form of communication. I love to write. I'm comfortable writing, and I can produce much more at the keyboard than I can at a dinner party. Because I enjoy writing, I don't mind spending time and energy doing it. Sitting at the computer for several hours every night doesn't sound too bad to me (though, that took years of discipline to achieve).

In reality, I wouldn't want to have 5 talents in everything I do. Could you just imagine how draining our lives would be if we were the "bread-winners" in every area of life? When would we ever rest? I love the fact that I don't have to be the one in charge, the one making things happen, the one that every one looks to or the one that produces the most all of the time. I value that God chose to give me a break when He designed me with many 1 talent abilities. I might have a lot to say at the keyboard; but if you find me at a dinner party, I'll be the one in her seat, enjoying the ability to just sit and do nothing. Sure, I'll talk if God urges me to, but normally He allows me to be a fly on the wall.

So where are your talents? Are you content in your 1 talent abilities? Do you know which abilities God has blessed you with 5 talents? Have you ever been in a season where God asked you to work in a 1 talent ability? Do you applaud those who have more talents in certain areas than you? Have you ever judged others according to their 1 talent ability, only to be surprised later on by their 5 talent ability? Have you ever been judged according to one of your 1 talent abilities?

Crown or Ashes?

In 2 Samuel 13, the lovely princess, Tamar, was raped by her half brother. To show her disgrace she put ashes on her head (2 Samuel 13.19). Ashes represent self-disgust, humility or grief and they are a physical representation of the pain or guilt one feels.

I've had to wear ashes many times, but the problem came when I never washed them off. I would make a mistake, get hurt or feel sorrow, and I would smear that pain all of my body. The ashes affected every aspect of my life, and I couldn't be the princess God wanted to shine His glory through because I was all covered in dirt.

I used to feel like that was the way it was supposed to be until God confronted me. He said, "Is the blood on the cross not strong enough to wash you clean?" Hebrews 9.14 reads, "How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!" (NIV). I realized that whenever I clung unto my grief, I was telling God that He wasn't strong enough to redeem me. Also, I became useless in serving Him.

In Isaiah 61.3, God says that He will "bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes." I don't think that we can quite fathom this exchange. We hand over our ashes and God gives us a beautiful crown instead? How could that be? It is only possible because God has an unquenchable and unshakable love for us. We live in a broken world where people get hurt, and God knows this. So He beautifully matches our shame with His grace to compensate for the sin surrounding us. However, we have freewill to receive God's grace or reject it.

God never promised this life would be easy, but He does offer us His grace in a broken world and blesses us when we love and obey Him (Deuteronomy 30.11-19). I don't know about you, but I'm tired of wearing my shame. I want to surround myself by beautiful crowns; so when I see Jesus at throne, I can throw them at His feet. Let us start gathering God's grace instead of our shame, so we can do the mighty work that God has planned for us.

"Stalwart walks in step with God; his path blazed by God, he's happy. If he stumbles, he's not down for long; God has a grip on his hand" (Psalm 37.23 MSG).

The Gift of Contentment

We were at the beach, and my oldest son was collecting seashells. I asked him what he was going to do with all of them. He said he was going to make a necklace for a special girl. I thought of all the little girls in his circle of friends, and one in particular came to mind. I asked, "Does her name start with a C?"

He said, "No, her name starts with an L."

I went through the short list of little girl L names I knew, even mentioning some of the mommies with L names. But with a smile, he said no to each one. Then I thought of my name. Although my name is Alisa (uh-lĭs-uh), my husband usually takes out the beginning A and calls me (lĭs-uh).

I called my son close to me and whispered in his ear, "Is it lĭsa?" He smiled and blushed and nodded his head yes. I gave him a big hug, and all that day I felt like a treasure. My son may have confused my name, but it didn't affect how I felt about his eagerness to bless me.

Isn't it beautiful how the love we have will overlook the small mistakes and focus on the show of devotion? However, when I thought about this, I remembered that early in my marriage I was not very good at forgiving oversights. My husband would go out of his way to do something nice, but many times it wasn't according to my anticipation. I would zero in on what I didn't like, instead of appreciating the beauty of his sacrifice.

After a time, my husband stopped trying to do special things to spoil me. I didn't blame him, because I had filled his gift-offerings with negative energy. Why would he continue giving when he could never get it right? I quickly discovered my mistake and worked hard to reverse the damage I created. I changed my perspective and openly accepted everything he did for me and gave me. Moreover, I started to realize that I enjoyed his taste and ideas. Now my husband rocks at giving!

We live in a very self-indulged society. We are used to getting everything exactly how we want it; and if we don't, we show our discontent. We are swimming in blessings, and we don't realize that everything we receive is a gift. When we start being picky, we might need to shed off some pounds of selfishness and let go of our self-entitled attitude. The gift is not as important as the person who gives it.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances" (Philippians 4.11 NIV).

Where's the Sugar?

I made a sugar free apple cobbler for my kids. Even the whipped cream on top was sugar free. I was so excited because it looked beautiful, and it tasted pretty good. My three year old sugar connoisseur son was so excited. I put the dessert in front of him, and his eyes bulged. He took his spoon and started taking big bites. After a few mouthfuls, he put the spoon down and looked up at me.

“What’s wrong?” I said. “You don’t like it?”

He pushed the bowl away and said, “It needs sugar.”

I couldn’t believe it. I looked at my husband, and he shrugged. How did he know there was no sugar?

The same concept goes with ministry. A ministry leader can make sure that everything is perfect and looks great, but there is only one way to ensure that God’s sweetness (Holy Spirit) is present. Unless the leadership is sensitive and broken to the will of God, the Holy Spirit cannot freely move through the ministry like it should.

Before we had kids, God moved my husband and me to Dallas. I saw a commercial for a local Christian school, and I knew that God wanted me to teach there. The position paid very little, so I taught college at night. The year was challenging for me, and I couldn’t wait until summer so I could get outside the classroom.

I started applying to other positions, but I had an uneasy feeling that I was supposed to teach one more year. I got offered an amazing job located downtown Dallas, creating English software to help kids with standardized testing. I was ecstatic because this job paid twice the amount of my two current positions combined, and I could sit behind a computer and analyze grammar and syntax all day.

For five days, I wrestled with God. I knew He didn’t want me to take the job. I remember jogging on my treadmill, and I jumped so hard out of anger that I broke it. I stomped around my living room and finally fell against the wall crying. I cried until there was nothing left. My family and friends didn’t understand. Why would I not go for such an amazing opportunity? All I could say was, "God says so."

During the last day of school, I finally resolved to be obedient, but I still felt very abandoned by God. I went to my desk and opened the Bible. I read Jeremiah 29.11: “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope’” (NLT). I decided that I would learn everything God wanted to teach me the following year, so, hopefully, he would allow me to leave the classroom.

My last year teaching, I taught seven subjects, including seventh and eighth grade Physical Education. For one of the six weeks, I felt God wanted me to teach them a Christian song in sign language. I didn’t know anything about music, but two of my students were daughters of the choir teacher. I didn’t have a plan, so we just worked each day at putting together a performance. I taught the girls some “choreography” and the sisters helped with the chorus. We finally finished it, and the girls had created something special.

I saw the principal in the hall, and I asked if she wouldn’t mind just taking a quick look at what the girls had created. She said sure, and sat down in an empty auditorium. After the principal saw it, she demanded that they perform in front of the school at the next pep rally. The girls were thrilled, and I was happy that they were able to show the school how hard they worked.

The girls performed in front of the entire school, and the teachers and students were amazed. People were crying, and I didn’t understand what was going on. The choir director came up to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Now that's what it's all about.” Till this day I value the fact that she didn’t thank me. It was obvious that I did nothing except allow myself to be broken by God and stay obedient to His will.

God’s spirit is unleashed through the brokenness of the ministry leader. Leaders are called into dry areas, so Living Water can flow through them, saturating everything with God’s presence. However, the ministry leaders must be broken so that the Holy Spirit in them can move freely. Leaders are responsible for having a broken self-nature and an obedient heart; the rest is up to God.

God’s glory comes in all shapes and forms and through all types of ministries, but it is obvious when the Holy Spirit is present….you can taste His sweetness. God needs our brokenness, so the Holy Spirit in us has free reign. How is God breaking you today? Do you receive it or become callus? How would your ministry (family, marriage, career, relationships, etc.) be different if God's Spirit was in control?

"Our bodies are buried in brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, but they will be raised in strength. They are buried as natural human bodies, but they will be raised as spiritual bodies. For just as there are natural bodies, there are also spiritual bodies" (1 Corinthians 15.43-44 NLT).

My Broken Alabaster Jar

In Mark 14.1-11, Jesus was dining at a Pharisee's house when a sinful woman came and broke a alabaster jar over his body that covered him with a very expensive perfume. The religious leaders were indignant. They shamed her by saying that the money could have been spent on other good works.

I imagine the woman kneeling there. God put a passion in her heart, and she obeyed Him even though she was humiliated in the process. She didn't know that she was anointing the Son of God before his death and resurrection. She just knew that she was being obedient.

She held two broken pieces of alabaster jar in each hand and endured the shame and judgement thrown on her by the religious leaders. They had their agenda of what good works were important, and hers didn't follow suit of what they expected.

Recently, I experienced a time when I began to question the fruit of what God is doing in my life. I wasn't breaking my alabaster jar over a certain good work passion, and I lost confidence in my God-design and purpose. Were the good-work fruits that I was producing a harvest from God? Was I being obedient to His will?

I knelt in my closet holding my pieces of alabaster up to God and begged Him to show me what I was doing wrong. For the past several years, God has completely turned my life upside down. I have been obedient (though, not perfect) to the Holy Spirit's leading. I know that I have changed, but I wasn't directly achieving a specific good-work fruit, and my trust in God and my obedience to Him faltered. Was I really hearing from God?

After I humbled myself before the Lord, God beautifully brought me to a verse about good works. The crowd was searching for Jesus because He just performed many miracles. And they asked Him, "What must we do to do the works that God requires?"

Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent" (John 6.28-29 NIV).

As I knelt down in my closet, God asked me, "Will you believe Me?"

This belief that God requires of me is not just simply a belief that He exists. Many people believe in God and Jesus. This belief He requires of me is a belief that He is creating amazing fruits in my life, and I daily must believe that His promises will come to pass. Good works come in all forms, and they should be an outward expression of my inward relationship with Christ. He doesn't judge my works (my good works will never measure up to God's perfection). He judges my heart. Do I believe that my simple acts of obedience are valuable to Him even if the world claims them as unimportant? Am I being obedient to His will even though I can't gage or measure the harvest to the world's standard of success?

There are a lot of Christians out there with many passions. This is an awesome thing. We are all called to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and our fruits will all look differently. If you read through Jesus' life in the Gospels, you will see that He harvested many fruits in a vast range of areas. I believe that we can appreciate every faith-filled good work, but God will give us specific passions for the "holes" that He wants us to fill. We are all uniquely designed with a purpose to help with certain needs. We can't all be passionate about the same thing.

My wish is that Christians stop criticizing other Christians for being passionate about different good-works. God put that passion in each of us. We are simply breaking the alabaster jar over our own personal relationship with Christ, and He is directing the flow of perfume, anointing our Kingdom Purposes along the way. The Enemy loves it when we fight against each other. A house divided falls.

"Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, 'Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand'" (Matthew 12.25 NIV).

Not King of Slaves

Jesus is the King of Kings, not the King of Slaves. We are children of God and co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8.17). We are called to be Kings of an inheritance created for us before the world began. Yet, many Christians live as slaves. We are slaves to the world, instead of free by His truth (John 8.32).

We each have a passion to lead, but our preconceived and corrupted beliefs prevent us from knowing the truth about who we are in Christ. We fill our mind with the lies of the world and the promises of God stay locked up in our unread Bibles and godless thoughts.

The only way to discover our royal heritage is to leave the yoke of slavery and head towards the promise land (Ephesians 1.11). However, many Christians fear the wilderness that they must pass through in order to reach freedom. We stay content in our honey-like pleasures and trapped in our mediocre mind sets. We are kings living as slaves by choice.

Why must we pass through the wilderness in order to reach the promise land? The wilderness teaches us how to be kings. The wilderness helps us to shed our chains and embrace the passion and purpose that God placed in each one of us. Most of all, however, the wilderness teaches us the true definition of kingship.

Jesus Christ is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, and He came to this earth to serve. The inheritance that God has for you -- the kingdom that He has created for you -- is your ultimate gift of service to this world. You were built to serve humankind in a specific area. The more you are able to serve, the bigger your kingdom will grow (Mark 9.35).

It is God-like to serve the needs of others. It is slave-like to be served. If you feel like your are not fulfilling your purpose in life, you may have not found your current niche in which you have power to serve. If you feel like your kingdom is not growing, you may not be fully embracing the privilege of serving others.

God has a plan for your life. When you find your gift of service, God will give your grace and power to multiply your efforts beyond what you can humanly manufacture. Our life is short and there are distractions around every corner. God has placed in your soul a desire for your life to have meaning and for you to live out a purpose. Seek His will. Discover your destiny. You will find passion that you didn't know was in you. You'll wake each day with a confidence that you can't explain and a fire that the world can't smother.

"They will make war against the Lamb, but the Lamb will overcome them because he is Lord of lords and King of kings—and with him will be his called, chosen and faithful followers" (Revelation 17.14 NIV).

Kingdom Faith

I already wrote about how the Kingdom is Here, but now I want to explore how to access the Kingdom in each of us. I would like to stress that the word "kingdom" denotes a King -- The King, The Creator, The God. In order to have the fulfillment of God's Kingdom (His purpose) in our lives, we need to first have a relationship with the King. The only way we can have a relationship with King is through His Son, Jesus. Once we have a relationship with Jesus, we receive God's Spirit (Holy Spirit) to guide us. God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit are three separate components of God, but they are all God.

Jesus' life was foretold by the prophets (Isaiah 53.3-5 NIV) in the Old Testament and was fulfilled and documented in the New Testament (Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23 & John 19). During His ministry on earth, Jesus taught us to "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near" (Matthew 4.17 NIV). There is an overall Kingdom fulfillment for this world that Jesus foreshadows in Luke 21; however, I believe that God has planted in each of us a Kingdom fulfillment.

I find it interesting that Jesus compared the Kingdom of Heaven to yeast. Yeast is dormant until it is placed in bread dough. (I believe that each of us have a Kingdom fulfillment, yet it will stay dormant until we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior.) The yeast works on individual particles in the dough and transforms them. The end result is a sweet, yummy loaf of bread (John 6.51 NIV).

This Kingdom image leads me to believe that we all have a kingdom purpose to fulfill, which will be a part of the Kingdom purpose of all existence. God's Kingdom fulfillment has already been established. His Kingdom will come whether we participate or not. It will be a shame, though, to see Jesus coming down from the skies riding a flying horse and realizing that we snoozed through this life and never fulfilled our purpose (Revelation 19.11 NIV).

Humans have two parts: We are flesh and spirit. Genesis 2.7 explains that "the LORD God formed the man from the dust [flesh] of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life [Spirit], and the man became a living being" (NIV). When we ask Jesus into our hearts, God plants His Kingdom purpose into our spirits. The only way we can fulfill our purpose is if we live in the spirit. The problem is that it is so much easier to live in the flesh. To live in the spirit takes A LOT of faith. The flesh and the spirit are always struggling for dominion. A person can not live divided. Either she is walking in the spirit or in the flesh. There is no middle ground.

So what do we do? How can we ensure we live in the spirit, so that we can fulfill our Kingdom purpose? The answer is easy, but it may not seem pleasing at first.... hardships.

God allows hardships in our lives for two main reason: First, they kill our flesh. As Christians, we need to desire the death of our flesh because, otherwise, we will never fulfill our Kingdom purpose. Since our flesh and spirit are constantly warring for control, God does us an absolute favor when He sends hardships our way to take out the flesh (Galatians 5.24, Romans 6.2, Romans 8.13). We will always be drawn to live in the flesh because it is just easier. If we allow God to beat down our flesh, we will more likely embrace the spirit.

Second, hardships build our faith. Faith is the key. According to our faith, will our Kingdom purpose be done (Matthew 17.20). I think it is interesting that we embrace physical exercise because we know it's going to build our bodies, yet we don't embrace hardships, which will build our faith. Every time we endure hardships and continue to believe God for His promises to us, our faith becomes stronger. We must have stellar faith in order to live in the spirit.

Faith is essential to fulfilling our Kingdom purpose. God is going to do something in us that will go against all odds (Matthew 19.26). We will need lots of faith to believe that He will work His beautiful plan through our messed-up lives (Philippians 1.6). The main way we build faith is through hardships. Hardships come in many forms, but we can claim victory to overcome them through Jesus Christ (1 John 5.3-5). When the sin of this world increases, God's grace increases (Romans 5.20). And we can do all things through Christ (Philippians 4.13).

I'm determined not to give-up when hardships come my way because I know that when my flesh is weak, my spirit will become strong (2 Corinthians 12.10). There is a battle between my flesh and spirit, and I want my spirit to win. It is only when we go through hardships, we can ensure that we fulfill the Kingdom purpose God has for us: "where they strengthened the believers. They encouraged them to continue in the faith, reminding them that we must suffer many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God" (Acts 14.22 NLT).

Therefore, let us face our hardships with determined victory because they bring to completion God's Kingdom fulfillment in our lives: "But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed" (1 Peter 4.13 NIV) and "Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory" (Romans 8.17 NIV).

What storms are you currently finding yourself in? How can you walk by faith and claim God's victory?

Shutter Island Moment

I watched the movie Shutter Island, and it prepared me for what God was about to do in my life. I'm always reminded that God can use anything (Christian or not) to get His perfect will done. If you haven't watched the movie, this post will spoil it for you. I'm sorry.

At the end of the movie, Dicaprio's character realizes he has been living the past several years in an insane asylum in an altered state. He believed he was continuing his U.S. Marshall work, trying to uncover a conspiracy at the hospital. His doctors needed to bring him back to reality, so they planned an elaborate role play experience, allowing Dicaprio's character to uncover the "conspiracy." The plot became layered and confusing until it climaxed with an intervention of facts.

Dicaprio's character wouldn't believe the information at first. Then, he became disoriented between what was real and fake. But finally, he fell to his knees in despair. He carried guilt from tragedy that occurred in his life, and he couldn't handle the fact that he was a monster.

The day following the intervention, Dicaprio's character slipped back into the altered state. Before the orderlies took him to get a lobotomy (which would make him passive), he asked his doctor, "Which would be worse: To live as a monster or die as a good man?”

God planned a Shutter Intervention for me three days later. I noticed that I had been criticizing people, and I couldn't understand why. I kept reprimanding myself for criticizing others, but I knew it wouldn't go away unless I let God pull out the root cause. I prayed and asked God to help me, and He quickly unlayered the sin. I criticized because of arrogance. I became arrogant because I was covering up for jealousy. I was jealous because I was insecure. But why was I insecure?

I drove to the beach and continued reading the book, Why? Because You are Anointed! by T.D. Jakes. And there in the car I was confronted with reality. I am selfish. I see life through the lens of "I" and my entire opinion of people, actions and circumstances is altered. I was insecure because I am not perfect. And because I idolize self, I couldn't handle the fact that I too am a monster.

T.D. Jakes writes: "The most prevailing sin of all mankind is sin of selfishness...the idolizing of self (self idolatry). Selfishness is the epitome of satanic, demonic, and rebellious sinful motivations and behavior."

My entire life I have seen everything from my own perspective, which is blurred by the cataracts of sin. If I were truly seeing life through the lens of God, I would never have those negative feelings of jealousy, hate, lust, pride, envy, discontent, etc.

When I realized that I had been seeing everything through an altered state, I became disoriented. I could barely get a grip of what God was teaching me. How could I apply this new truth? My understanding of everything is tainted, and I didn't know how to begin seeing clearly.

I was about to call it quits. There was no way I was going to be able to live my life with a new set of eyes. But God reminded me of what Dicaprio's character asked: "Which would be worse: To live as a monster or die has a good man?"

The reality is none of us are good enough. We all have tragedy. We all have sinned. We are all monsters. If we truly understood how ugly we are compared to God's beauty, we would all fall to our knees in despair. But Jesus died a good man to save us from ourselves. Yes, I'm a monster, but Jesus lived a sinless life and died to redeem me. If I can focus on Him being good and see through His eyes, then I don't have to worry about living in an altered state. If I can live by grace, I can live free.

"Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are good, your whole body
also is full of light. But when they are bad, your body also is full of
darkness" - Luke 11.34

What about you? Have you ever realized that you were seeing a situation or person through the wrong perspective? How do you try to prevent seeing life through the wrong eyes?

Formula for Spiritual Growth

October 8, 1998

"I know God wants me to be a writer, but it is not going to happen over night. I am trying to be in God's will, but it is getting me nowhere. I've stopped socially drinking. I go to church, pray, read the Bible; but I think it is time for me to stop taking and to start giving. I want to give myself to God as a vessel for spreading Christ. I just do not know where to start...."

I wrote this in my on-and-off again journal when I was twenty-one. I had such a desire to follow God, but I didn't know what I was doing. I had no previous Spirit-led example to fall back on. I desperately grabbed onto Christian disciplines, hoping they would force me to have a better relationship with God. After about a year of getting "nowhere," I fell back into a common life of social normality. The spiritual disciplines I had been taught did nothing to help me. What was I doing wrong?

Spiritual disciplines are part of the spiritual formula that equal a growing relationship with God. Jesus Himself fasted, read Scripture, prayed, sought solitude, worshiped, served, fellowshipped, submitted, abstained and sacrificed.* He did many of these spiritual disciplines in the private sphere of His life; so that when He entered the public sphere, He was able to do amazing and beautiful acts of love.

On my blog, I explore many spiritual disciplines. I desire to draw closer to God, and I know that emulating Jesus' private life will help me to emulate His public life. However, spiritual disciplines are merely Christian motions that have no lasting effect unless we understand the formula of why we do them. Spiritual disciplines are only half of the equation. The other half is made up of three components: the product, the purpose and the push.

The product of spiritual disciplines is two-fold. First of all, spiritual disciplines humble us. We must be broken if we want to give the Holy Spirit access to mold us. Spiritual disciplines remind us that we are nothing without God, and they give us a healthy perspective of who we are in Christ. There is nothing like an empty belly, a dwindling bank account or a silent prayer closet to remind us that we are not the kings and queens of the universe. We are dependent on the Creator for everything, and we should have great joy that we have a spirit to soak up God's glory.

Second of all, spiritual disciplines make us available to gain the knowledge of God: "and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God" (Proverbs 2.3-6 NIV). God has knowledge He wants to give us, but we need to be seeking it. Spiritual disciplines are like tools that help us dig for godly insights. The more we wield our tools, the more we find treasures.

The purpose of spiritual disciplines is love. Just like a mathematical formula, if a student doesn't understand the purpose of why she is finding "x," she won't fully understand the equation. Love is the root of spiritual disciplines. We do them because we love God, and we desire to have an intimate relationship with Him.

Finally, the push of spiritual disciplines is our obedience. Obedience is the only thing in this life that we can take credit for. God gives us everything: our bodies, brains, passions, talents and plans. However, God does give us free-will. We can choose to obey Him or not. I have learned that I can give people credit for their obedience, but the rest of the glory goes to God. Without obedience we have no momentum to move us into Christlikness. We can love God all we want; but if we do not have obedience, our spiritual growth will lag behind.

When I was twenty-one, I think part of the formula that I was missing was humility. I did not have a good example of how beautiful and beneficial the product of humility is in our lives. I saw people doing spiritual disciplines, but I didn't see many people humbling themselves. Humility gets such a bad rap. Humility is actually the precursor to a bounty of blessings: wealth, honor, wisdom, life (Proverbs 22.4, 15.33, 11.2). I've realized that when I'm being humbled, I'm not being humbled to others. I'm being humbled to God. God just happens to use others to humble me. If I can get over my pride and my fear of others, humility wouldn't be so painful. I desire to make the process of humility look good.

For you the formula might be missing something else. Maybe you saw plenty of spiritual humility but not enough push (obedience). Or maybe you saw lots of obedience, but the purpose of love was never evident. Whatever the case may be, Christians need the entire formula to experience accelerated spiritual growth.

(product + purpose + push) * spiritual disciplines = spiritual growth

I was horrible in math -- especially algebra -- so if you have a better formula, by all means use it!

* Spiritual disciplines and explanations can be found in The Spirit of the Disciplines by Dallas Willard.

FORSAKEN

I've seen movies and heard descriptions of Jesus' crucifixion. The physical torture that Jesus experienced is explained in detail, and we see each lash ripping His flesh, the excruciating walk to Golgotha, and the nails hammered into His hands and feet. Many times the pain is our sole focus, and we assume that the fear of this pain explains why Jesus petitioned God at Gethsemane to "take this cup from me." However, the physical sacrifice is only one aspect of Jesus' death on the cross. There is so much more that we many times forget to examine and meditate on.

The crucifixion is made up of three components, and physical pain is only one of them. Yes, Jesus is human, so the pain was a big part of why He said, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death" (Mark 14.34 NIV). But I do not believe that it was fear of pain that made Jesus sweat drops of blood (Luke 22.44 NIV). I know that Jesus loves me more than I can comprehend, and He would boldly confront physical persecution for my sake. I think He had a greater reason to feel anguish -- a reason that our culture has trouble even understanding.

The second aspect of the crucifixion that would cause Jesus to be overwhelmed with sorrow is that He became sin for us: "God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5.21 NIV). Please note that Jesus became sin. He was sin for us. What is sin? Sin is the absence of God. Sin is the absence of light, love, beauty, glory, etc. The best way I can illustrate this concept is to take the innocence of a newborn baby and force that innocence to experience every disgusting, revolting, hideous sin you can think of. Try to imagine the innocence of those you love (especially your own children) and your mind will shut down. Your heart can not process the anguish.

The third aspect of the crucifixion ties directly into the second. This was the "more" that I was looking for. It took a while for me to comprehend, which demonstrates just how much I do not know about love. Several months ago, I was reading through the New Testament, and I was struck by the relationship between God and Jesus. They are so deeply rooted together, and I wanted to know how it felt. I prayed and asked God, "Show me how much Jesus loves You."

After I prayed that prayer, I read about Jesus praying to God in Gethsemane. His soul was in anguish, and God sent Jesus an angel to comfort Him. As I read about Jesus just minutes before He would be betrayed, I remembered how I had always been dissatisfied with explanations of the crucifixion. Yes, the physical pain Jesus endured was incomprehensible, but I know that there was another pain that I wasn't understanding. Finally, it hit me. If Jesus became sin, and God can have no part of sin, then God would have to disconnect from Jesus for a time.

Jesus loved God so much, and His entire existence was solely dependent on God; therefore, Jesus' biggest fear was to be forsaken by God. I believe Jesus feared this more than the physical pain and more than becoming sin. When Jesus cried out on the cross with His only complaint, He did not cry out, "My God, My God, this pain hurts so bad" or "My God, My God this sin is so revolting." No, Jesus cried out, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?" (Mark 15.34 NIV).

Nothing else mattered more to Jesus than the presence of God. That is how much Jesus loved God, and this showed me how much I do not. As I meditated on this, I became overwhelmed with anguish. God has been a sidenote, a ball I juggle in my busy schedule. Yes, He has also been a Father, a Friend, a Savior, a Healer, a Teacher, a Guide, an Encourager, yet He has never been my core. How do I know this? Because I constantly struggle with forsaking Him.

I forsake God for sleep, for my own desires, for my spouse, for my children, for my career, for the opinions of others, for security, for money, for prestige, for acclaim, for comfort, for pleasures, etc. I daily struggle with forsaking God, and I have no fear of it. Yes, I feel guilty and I repent when I know I've purposely walked away from His will, but do I fear? No.

I know that God loves me no matter what, and I'm happy to say that I have forgiveness of my sins through Jesus. However, I want God to be my core. I want Him to be my everything. I think that is why Jesus says, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14.26 NIV).

Jesus does not actually want us hating people or ourselves. Research the Scriptures, and you'll see that Jesus tells us over and over again to love others. However, our love for God should be so immense and so deep that our love for anything else should be comparatively weak. Would we be willing to give up all that we have for God? Jesus did.

When Jesus asked God to "take this cup from me," I do not believe He was talking about the physical pain or even becoming sin. Jesus' prayer before His crucifixion is the only time I see that Jesus took a step of obedience that He did not willingly want to take. God asked Jesus to give up the one thing that Jesus loved the most so that humankind could have everlasting life with Him: Jesus gave up God. Jesus became sin, and God can not have any part of sin. If this weren't true, then our sins are not really forgiven. If Jesus did not take our sins upon Himself, they are still on us. If they are still on us, God can not allow us into His glory.

If I could just understand Jesus' step of obedience, His sacrifice for me, I think I could have a glimpse of how much Jesus loved God. I love Jesus so much because He took this step of faith for God, even if He didn't want to. I love God so much because He "so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3.16 NIV). That God chose to weave me into this Divine Romance between Father and Son boggles my mind. I want to love them both back with a love deserving of their love for me. I know that my love will pale in comparison, but God beautifully makes up the difference with His grace!

Jesus is my hero because of His complete obedience to God. Many times God asks me to do things that I don't want to do, but I do them out of obedience. However, I can trust that God will never ask me to do it alone -- God will never forsake me (Hebrews 13.5) and Jesus is always praying on my behalf (Romans 8.34). The words that Jesus whispered before becoming my Living Sacrifice have become my new life's prayer: "yet not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22.42 NIV).

"For a brief moment I forsook you,
But with great compassion I will gather you" (Isaiah 54.7 NASB).

Wrestling with God

I wrestle with God a lot. Like Jacob, God leads me to a place of transition, and the core of who I am is exposed. God points out a deep rooted sin, and He waits on me to make a choice: Will I allow Him to uproot the ugliness or will I run and hide from His hand? If I let God do spiritual surgery on my heart, I will have spiritual health to carry the weight of His blessings. If I run and hide from this divine appointment, I will be filled with my own ugliness and unable to bear His fullness in my life.

Out of obedience, Jacob moved forward with God until he was stuck in a place of transition. He couldn't run back to Laban (his father-in-law), yet he feared going forward to Esau (his brother). Jacob's deceitful past was catching up to him, and he ran out of hiding places. With no where to turn, he had to confront the facts -- he was a deceiver (Genesis 32).

God had been blessing Jacob even though he had this character flaw. God provided Jacob with children, servants, riches, authority, etc. However, God wanted to bless Jacob at a new level, but Jacob needed some excess baggage cut off. Jacob couldn't move forward into God's abundance because he was tied down by his sin.

Finally, Jacob confronted God face to face and had an all-out wrestling match. The interesting thing about wrestling with God is that God never moves or changes. God is perfect and unchanging. If we decide to take Him on, we will be the ones who move and change.

When we wrestle with God, we become meek. Meekness means that we allow God complete control over our lives, so that we can have the fullness of His glory, power and strength displayed through our lives. If you want the power of God, wrestle with Him whenever He calls you into the ring. Allow God complete control, and He will use you to shine His glory.

I used to try to avoid wrestling with God. I thought that if I could just pray hard enough and keep my ears focused on the Holy Spirit, that I would be good enough to bypass this painful encounter with Him. I thought I could change myself without feeling the pruning of His hand. But I've learned to embrace it! I want to be blessed by God; and if I have to wrestle with Him and allow my sinful nature to be cut, then so be it! I want His blessings more than I want a painless, carefree life.

How do you know that God is inviting you to a wrestling match? Just remember M.E.E.K.

Moving: You feel a movement of God and obediently follow His lead.
Exposing: You feel stuck because you can't go back to who you were and are unable to move into God's fullness for you.
Extracting: You feel God cutting away hidden sin and endure for the promised blessings.
Kneeling: You feel changed in Christ and are more aware of His majesty and glory.

I don't know about you, but I want to wrestle with God. Do not feel guilty when you go through this process. It is not a sign of your lack of faith. It is a sign that you hunger for Him more than you hunger for comfortable and easy. So get into the ring! I promise that you will lose, but you will gain His blessings!

"Then the man said, 'Let me go, for it is daybreak.' But Jacob replied, 'I will not let you go unless you bless me'" (Genesis 32.26 NIV).

Granola Bar Devotional - Zipper

Here is my latest Granola Bar Devotional. If you are interested in writing a devotional, please come check out our Info Page. You do not have to be a writer to submit; you just have to be willing to share what God is doing in your life!

As I watched my five year old son try to zip up his jacket, I grew impatient. I had all the kids ready to get into the car, but he was holding up our exit. We were in our third minute of waiting when I asked, “Can I please zip it for you?”

He kept his focus on his jacket and replied, “No. I want to do it by myself.” He was having trouble connecting the jacket zipper on the bottom, and I was tempted to just do that for him and let him zip it the rest of the way. But before I could reach down to help him, I had a flashback of my childhood.

I distinctly remembered one morning when I was determined to zip up my own jacket. I saw myself standing in the hallway of my childhood home concentrating solely on that zipper. I don’t remember how long it took me, but I know I was there for a while. I wouldn’t budge until I figured it out!

Many times as Christians, we forget about the struggles we went through to gain the wisdom and skills that God desired for us. We see others who are smack-dab in the middle of a God-ordained teaching season, and we become impatient with them. We see them struggling in an area that we have found victory, and we ridicule them or make them feel guilty. We become impatient and try to take over their valuable learning lesson.

Even worse, we experience a “holier-than-thou” attitude and think that somehow we have “arrived” spiritually. The truth of the matter is, however, we are all designed uniquely and have different backgrounds/upbringings that God is shaping and molding according to His timeline.

Each of us will be held-up in a learning season during anointed moments on our path toward heaven. If we would simply decide to extend each other the grace that Christ extends us, we would become holy cheerleaders instead of jeering opponents. Let us remember that we are all fools that God has made wise.

Memory Verse:
“Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”
- Proverbs 26:12 (NIV)

Prayer Prompt:
“Father, help me to be patient with those around me. Don’t ever let me forget that I am a fool without You. Show me how to offer grace to others and to myself when we are struggling with an area of our lives. Bring any one to mind that I have condemned unjustly because of my lack of mercy and grace, including . . .”

Contributing Writer:
Alisa Hope Wagner


* This Friday is First Friday Fiction! Make sure to post your fiction piece on baptism and send us the link before or on this Friday! We can't wait to see your imagination muscles at work! Also, please don't feel intimidated, insecure or apprehensive about submitting your work. There is joy in taking a step of faith for God, and He will bless your efforts. We want this writing group to be your fun monthly push out of your comfort zone!

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Cinderella has Two Worlds

I’ve been struggling with the dichotomy of being a Christian. In my quiet time I read about how much God loves me, how much He values me and how much He wants to bless me. He is my Prince Charming who wants to sweep me off my feet and lavish me with all that He has. Ezekiel 16.8-14 gives an amazing image of God as our bridegroom vowing to enter into a most precious covenant of love with us:

"Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine. I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you. I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put leather sandals on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was fine flour, honey and olive oil. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen. And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD" (The Message).

I have to be honest. When I read this, I feel very spoiled and loved. I know that God wants to establish each of His children as royalty and co-heirs with Christ. Whenever I feel ugly, unworthy or inconsequential, I like to meditate on these verses. They make me feel like a princess. It blows my mind that the Creator of all wants to enter into such an intimate relationship with me.

However, I leave my sweet quiet time with God and resume my life on this earth, and I don’t feel like a princess any more. . . . I feel like a servant in my tattered, threadbare rags.

I remember one particular day when I had such an amazing time with God. He filled me with so much joy, love and peace. He told me how much He wanted to shine through me and that He had a wonderful journey for me. I felt adored and valued! But then the clock struck twelve, and I had to leave my gown behind and finish mopping the floors and making dinner.

I was more than a little angry, and I asked God, “Why do You make me feel so special, and then send me off to serve this broken world and humble myself to everyone around me?”

God gave me the image of Cinderella and her two worlds. She is a servant by day and a beautiful princess by night. When her coach turns back to the pumpkin, she continues serving her family as usual, yet . . . she has a glow about her. The love that she received from her prince consumes her, and no matter the menial tasks (cleaning, cooking, working ), she has a smile on her lips and a song in her heart. She knows that one day she'll be living in her castle with her prince forever!

As God's children and followers of Jesus, we are "royal servants." Jesus sits at the right hand of God at the ball (Acts 2.32-33), but He kneels down at the feet of His followers and washes their feet (John 13.12)! Jesus is the ultimate example of this Christian dichotomy.

Jesus explained the importance of serving to His disciples: “Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” ( Matthew 20.26-28 NIV).

But what is so important about serving?

Serving is the same thing as providing for needs. If you have plenty, you can provide for many needs. If you have lack, you can provide for very few needs. God is the only one who has everything. He is all sufficient. His needs are all met. Therefore, it stands to reason that to serve (provide for needs) is God-like and to take is child-like.

God made us in His image, and He allows us to serve the needs of others. Serving is our highest calling. When we serve, we are emulating our Father, the King of the Universe. But serving is exhausting, and we are only human. We will deplete our resources eventually, and that is why Cinderella's two worlds are so important. We serve and provide for those around us, and God serves and provides for us.

He takes us to the ball and spoils us. He replenishes us with His grace and fills us with His glory, so when the time comes, we can go back to the world and serve the needs of others. But there is a catch. You won’t be able to effectively and joyful serve others if you are not spending time with the King.

So slip on your pretty glass slippers and run to the King. He has a red carpet laid out for you, and He has asked the orchestra to play your favorite song. He’s ready to adorn you in jewels and embroidered gowns. And He has your favorite foods spread out for your enjoyment!

Go! Run to the King! He wants to spoil you!

1 Corinthians 9:19 (The Message)

"Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!"


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First Friday Fiction

Soccer Humility

My sister-in-law has been inviting me to play city-league soccer with her for several years. This season I finally felt ready, so I went out and bought my cleats, shin guards, and soccer ball. I am thirty-two years old, and I have never played a lick of soccer (save elementary gym class) in my entire life.

When I met the other team members, it became painfully obvious that I was soccer ignorant. I needed help putting on my shin guards, my sister-in-law had to give me a quick lesson on how to kick the ball (on the side of your shoe laces), I had to be told over and over again the name of each position, and my team mates had to continually tell me where to stand on the field.

My ignorance became evident to the other team, as well. During the game, the ball went over the goal, and I asked a player that I was guarding if it was good or not. She looked at me with surprise and said, “It has to go into the goal to be good.” As the girl laughed and walked off, I struggled with my utter stupidity. I finally decided to swallow my pride (it kept catching in my throat), and I worked harder to do better.


I turned my focus to the ball. I might not have all the fancy footwork that every woman around me seemed born with, but I had determination and a learning spirit. I blocked the ball, kicked it (maybe not quite in the direction of my teammate), hit the ball with my head (well, it was actually the side of my face), and pestered any woman on the opposite team that had the ball. Even though I was clueless, I became a crazy force to be reckoned with.

I played the entire game. I could feel my heart thumping against my chest, and I could have taken my pulse just by feeling the pulsating in my gums. My entire body was throbbing. I never realized how enormous the soccer field was and how few players there are on the field. The other team was so good at passing the ball that it felt like I was always chasing it. The other team won, but I knew that I didn’t make it easy for them.

I motivated myself by saying, “Glory to God! Glory to God!”


I knew that many of the women were not Christians, so I wanted to be a good example of persistence and dedication. I wasn’t going to let the fact that I knew nothing of soccer stop me from playing it. I know that God loves me and thinks I’m special, so if the entire world of soccer laughs at me, I would be okay. My desire is to base my self-worth on being a daughter of God, not on what the world thinks of me. And if I do that, I can do anything.

If we as God’s daughters base our entire self-worth on the awesome fact that we are His, we can do anything! So many Christian women fear doing something new. We don’t want to join a Bible study, volunteer at our church, go to a new play-date, or share our faith with others because we are scared what people will think of us. But we can’t let fear stop us from stepping out because God is always doing something new: “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43.19 NIV).

In our Christian walk, God will always have us reach outside of our comfort zone. Whenever we start to feel comfortable, we must prepare ourselves -- God is going to do something new. The best way for us to perceive what He is doing and to be ready for it is by swallowing our pride and humbling ourselves. We can’t always be know-it-alls. We can’t always be the best. We can’t always have it all together.


Many times we will be ignorant and on the bottom of life's totem poles. But, that’s okay! Our self-worth is based on the fact that we are children of God: “Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory” (Romans 8.17 NIV). This promise should be enough to encourage our complete obedience and dependence to God.


Jesus came to this earth as a lowly carpenter. He served people every day by healing the sick, feeding the hungry and teaching the ignorant. He washed His disciples’ feet and sacrificed His body for the world. He could have come to this earth as a prince, demanding angels and humans to do His bidding and expecting us to pay for our own sins. But He didn’t! He humbled Himself for us and did something new, and we are called to follow His example!

What are you doing that is new? Are you basing your self-worth on the world or on being a daughter of God? Are you able to swallow your pride and try something that you know nothing about? What can you do today that would enable God to show His power through your weakness (2 Corinthians 12).

Will you join me on a journey of knowing Christ more intimately? I want my life to burn for Christ and brokenness is the first step. Made a choice to humble yourself before God and others, and you will find your God-designed "life."



Humility and the fear of the LORD bring wealth and honor and life (Proverbs 22.4
NIV).

Proud to be a Slug

Question:

"Comparing different slug groups arises quickly the question, how those shell-less snails could survive, without the protection of a shell."

Answer:

"The external protection of a slug mainly happens by its mucus or slime" (reference).

I've been telling God lately that being obedient to Him is making me feel like a snail without a shell. A shell-less snail is called a slug, so I guess I feel like a slug. I've been on my slug-journey for about four years now. My self-esteem used to be connected to a lot of things (beauty, education, accomplishments, money, family, etc.), but God has slowly cut everything until all I have left is Him.

This doesn't mean He has actually taken everything from me, but He has taken my dependency on everything. I can survive if I lose everything, but I cannot survive if I lose God. Without God there is absolute nothingness - no beauty, no education, no accomplishments, no money, no family, no anything! Without God I wouldn't be typing this in my laptop at the coffee house, and you wouldn't be reading this from your computer at work or home. We wouldn't exist.

If we live the slug-life by putting God first, we gain everything in the process (Matthew 6:33). But, putting God first is not easy. Putting God first means allowing God to take our snail shells (our sinful flesh and imperfect humanity) off. Without our snail shells we are vulnerable and exposed to the world, which is exactly what God wants. It is only when our snail shells are off that Jesus' light that He planted in each of us can shine in this dark world (John 8:12 NIV).

But what does the slug life look like? You can see it when you examine Jesus' life.

If you read Isaiah's foreshadowing of Jesus, you get an image of a very ordinary man (Isaiah 53:2-5). Jesus was God in the flesh, yet the scriptures describe Him in very humble terms: "He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering" (2b-3). This was Jesus' humanity. Not so very pretty (I hate saying that, but it is a biblical fact).

However, if you read Daniel's description of Jesus, you get an entirely different image (Daniel 10:4-610). This description of Jesus boast a super-natural and awe-inspiring image: "His body was like chrysolite, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronze, and his voice like the sound of a multitude" (6). This is an image of the Son of God, the King of the Jews! When Daniel saw this Jesus, he said, "I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless" (8).

Jesus took off His snail shell and humbled Himself to all the world. He allowed us to mock Him, persecute Him and kill Him. At any moment He could put on His snail shell ( His sinless flesh and perfect humanity), but He didn't. Why Did Jesus allow Himself to be despised and not worshiped? God had a plan: "Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant, will make many 'righteous ones,' as he himself carries the burden of their sins" (Isaiah 53:11). Jesus humbled Himself so that we may gain righteousness (right-standing with God) through His sacrifice for our sins.

Okay, so what does that mean for you and me? It means this: If Jesus took off His snail shell which was perfect, why do we have such a hard time taking ours off which is flawed by sin? Instead of humbling ourselves to this world, we pump-up our snail shells. We decorate our shells with degrees, clothes, cars, houses, achievements, beauty and pride. We lug around our bulging shells and knock over anyone in our way. How can we serve and love others if we are too busy bowling them over with our pride?

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with these things. But when we base our self-esteem on things of this world, we will be severely disappointed in the end. We can only find our self-esteem in the fact that we are created by the Most High, and He loves us and has great plans for us. Once we fully understand that privilege, it won't be so difficult to take off our snail shells and humble ourselves.

But . . .

You say, People constantly hurt me, and I need to defend myself!

God says, I was oppressed and afflicted, yet I did not defend myself.

You say, People look down on me; they think I am nothing!

God says, I was despised and rejected; people hid their faces from me.

You say, People accuse me of wrongs that I did not do!

God says, I was oppressed and judged, though, I never sinned (Isaiah 53).

How do we willingly humble ourselves to a world that will hurt us? If we take off our snail shells and become slugs, we'll be surrounded by a bunch of tough snails. Mostly everyone else is wearing their shells, and we're going to get bumped on and rolled over. How do we protect ourselves?

The answer is in the slime! The Holy Spirit is often symbolized as oil. King David was anointed with oil to represent that the Holy Spirit would be flowing through him. If we take our snail shells off and humbled ourselves, we will be protected by an oily slime -- the Holy Spirit!

Just imagine that when you are allowing the Holy Spirit to have complete control of your life, you're allowing your slug to be smothered with glistening slime. This slime will help whenever the other snail shells hit you. They'll try to take you out, but their efforts will just slide right off (2 Corinthians 4:8-9).

On the other hand, when you come into contact with other slugs, you'll have a holy slime swap! Their Holy Spirit will mix with your Holy Spirit, and your understanding of how wonderful God is will deepen. Our points of view are so limited, and that is why it is so important we surround ourselves with other Spirit-led people. If we can see God through the eyes of many righteous, how awesome would our image of God be? But you got to take off your shell!

You say, I'm a slug, God!

God says, I chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; I chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong (1 Corinthians 1:27 NIV).

Tell the world that you are proud to be a slug, and God will shine through you. Take off your snail shells, and the Holy Spirit will protect you.

Invincible in Love

Boy Lessons - Part 2

Above is the a snapshot of my oldest boy, Isaac. My friend and I took our two oldest boys (both 5 years old) to an outdoor concert. They were both excited to go to an "adult concert," and my friend and I were excited to hang out and listen to music. There were a lot of kids at the concert (every kid got in free with an adult ticket), and most of the kids were playing in the grass by the stage.

There were kids of all ages, but our two boys were probably one of the youngest playing. I loved watching my boy play. He is in gymnastics, so he was doing lots of cartwheels, jumps and somersaults. Many times Isaac would run up to one of the other kids and ask him to watch him do a cartwheel, and the boy would either ignore him, watch and laugh at him or just laugh and walk away.

I had to analyze my feelings about Isaac's rejections. Of course, the mother in me wanted to give a lecture to all the boys, letting them know just how special my boy is. However, I realized that life is full of rejection. The world will always reject us, especially when we let our Jesus shine through us.

I watched Isaac to see if he was getting upset, but he never did. Whenever a boy would ignore him or laugh at him, he would just walk up to me and give me a hug or a kiss. He would allow me to love on him a little bit, and then he was ready to go try his hand at playing with the big boys again.

As I watched Isaac smiling and enjoying himself even after being laughed at and ignored, God gave me a little of His beautiful insight. God showed me that if I am continuously seeking Him and finding security in Him, I would never care what the world thought of me. If I daily allowed God to fill my heart to overflowing with His mercy and love, I would never feel depressed, insecure, unloved, vulnerable, deserted, ugly, ashamed or stupid. I wouldn't have those negative feelings because my feeling-capacity would be completely occupied with feeling loved!

The reason God wants us to put Him first in every aspect of our life is because He is the ONLY one who will NEVER reject us. Everyone -- EVERYONE -- will reject us sooner or later. God asks us to put Him first not for His benefit, but for our benefit. When we learn to put God first, we have the ability to be Invincible in His love. And the only way we can love Him more than anything is by continuously seeking Him, talking to Him, listening to Him, reading about Him, etc.

Like any relationship, it takes time to forge intimacy. But God is such a gentleman. He waits on us. He never pushes us. And He always seeks us out even though we constantly reject Him. And if we are still completely lost on how to love Him; all we have to do is pray and ask God to help us, and He most definitely will! God only asks for our obedience; He will do the rest.

Therefore, whenever those negative feelings start creeping back, it is my cue to draw closer to God. I can find strength in Him, so I will be ready to play with the "big boys" again!

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song" (Psalm 28.7).

Boy Lessons - Part 1: Get Out the Way
Boy Lessons - Part 3: Abiding

The Wii Circle

I make compilation Christian CDs and play them while I drive. I love all Christian music, and I like to expose my kids to the wide selection we are blessed with today. My oldest son reads the track number of each song and memorizes what song goes with what number.

While I was driving yesterday, I really wanted to listen to track 2 ("Awakening" by Switchfoot), but my son kept insisting that we listen to his favorite. I asked him what his favorite was. He thought for a moment and said, "Number 12." I didn't believe him. I told him that he was making up a number just because he didn't want to listen to what I wanted to listen to.

He kept yelling from the backseat to play track 12. I asked him to tell me what the song was about. He couldn't explain it, and again I thought he was just making it up. (Sometimes I forget that my son is only five).

Once we got home, I skipped the CD to track 12 because I wanted to make a point to my son. I just knew it was one of the songs he didn't prefer. When the song came on, I realized that he had picked my current favorite song, "One Trick Pony" by Mercy Me.

"You see, Mom! I wanted you to play your favorite song!" he said from the backseat.

I felt horrible. All along my son wanted me to play my favorite song. He knew that this song always cheered me up. I was totally missing the point. I was so consumed with what I wanted that I couldn't see my own son trying to bless me.

I gave him a big hug and apologized, and I thanked him for being so sweet to me.

As I walked into the house, I asked God, "Why can't I get it right?"

God has been teaching me a lot lately about His children. What I've realized is that my kids are not mine at all. I know people say it all the time, "They're not really my kids. God just loaned them to me." However, I never really understood the depth of that statement until recently.

God gave me an image of my son's soul next to mine in Heaven. I was no longer his mother. We were both simply souls in a vast horizon made up of God's children. The important thing is not that I'm his earthly mother. The important thing is that God chose my son's soul to be under my care for a season. God has allowed me to have a huge influence on another soul of His creation.

God has made it abundantly clear that I will raise His child precisely as He says. I will be held accountable, and this is a job I do not take lightly. But with this realization came an intense weight of responsibility. I do not want to mess up.

But, as in the track 12 example, I do mess up. I started to feel anxious. How could I possibly raise God's children perfectly? I'm an imperfect human. There is no way I'll raise my kids according to God's plan exactly. I daily make mistakes.

As I fretted over this, God gave me an image of the "Wii Circle." If you don't know what the Wii is, it's a video game system. Along with this system, you can purchase a fitness program called Wii Fit.

I don't own a Wii; but I went to a friend's house for a game night, and she had one. I played one session of the Wii Fit. I had to stand on a platform that weighed me - in front of everyone! - and I began doing different strength training moves. On the TV screen was a dot that represented my performance. There was a circle around the dot. If I could keep my dot within the circle's limits, I would have a near perfect score.

My dot wasn't streamlined; in fact, it moved and wiggled a lot. Nevertheless, my dot stayed within the circle. As long as it stayed within the circle, my score was great!

When God showed me the image of the Wii Circle, I instantly felt relieved. Of course I would never be perfect. God knows that! He puts a circle of grace around me. Even though I mess up, I can still do an awesome job at raising my kids, at being a wife, a friend, a leader, etc. As long as I stay within the confines of His grace, I can still make a near perfect score at this life.

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. - Hebrews 4.16(NIV)

That Stinking "I" in Pride.

A while back I was reading a book about God's grace, and I had to be honest with God. I didn't quite understand the whole concept of grace. I knew it was important because I've read so much about it, but it was obvious I was missing something. I prayed and asked God to help me gain a better understanding, and I had faith that He would.

God kicked-off my lesson in grace a few days later while I was in the shower. (It seems like God always talks to me in the shower). I was complaining to God about how I always make mistakes and that it feels like no matter what I do, what I read, what I learn; I always say, do or think something wrong. I always fail. I always fall. I always sin.

I was acting like the victim in this thing called life, and I pointed my finger at God and demanded, "Why is life so difficult"? "Why do I always stumble?" "Why do I always do something stupid?"

On my spiritual journey, I have an idea of where I want to be, and no matter how I grow, it feels like I always fall short. The person I want to be doesn't put her foot in her mouth. The person I want to be doesn't have insecurities. The person I want to be doesn't have problems with eating, lusting, lying, gossiping, pride, laziness, blah, blah, blah. The person I want to be is PERFECT!!!

Oh! And that's when God pulled a fast one on me. He uncovered my "I'm-the-victim-attitude" and exposed it for what it really was: pride. I wasn't where I thought I should be and I was upset: pride. I couldn't accept the fact that I was flawed and I made mistakes: pride. I didn't want others know my struggles and watch me stumble: pride. My little pity-party was boiling over the flame called pride.

And after God nicely humbled me there in the shower, He gave me a smile (in my mind's eye) and said gently, "That's why you need my grace."

What I realized is that I didn't want to accept God's grace because my pride was telling me that I should be something that I was not. But I am a woman that says things to friends that I later regret. I am a woman who just ate about 15 Peppermint York Patties without stopping to exert some semblance of self-control. I am a woman who has to fight with feelings of insecurity and inferiority. I am a woman who has to stop herself from judging the actions and decisions of others. I am a woman who's stuck in the middle of a battle between her own will and the will of the Holy Spirit.

I am not perfect, and I will never be. I will fall on a daily basis and those around me will see it. I can't put on a show for others or for me. Accepting God's grace frees me from being hard on myself. I am not loved because I try to be the best Christian girl possible. I am loved because God created me and He chooses to love me. There is nothing that I can do to make Him love me more or less. I will make mistakes, and I should not care who sees them because I have grace. And I won't use those mistakes to justify playing the victim role again.


Just today I read some of Jeanne Guyon's writings that spoke on this topic. She lived in the 1600s, which comforted me because I realized that even women in the 1600s dealt with this problem and overcame it. She wrote:


"Always guard yourself from being anxious because of your faults. First of all, such distress only stirs up the soul and distracts you to outward things. Secondly, your distress really springs from a secret root of pride. What you are experiencing is, in fact, a love of your own worth. To put it in other words, you are simply hurt and upset at seeing what you really are. If the Lord should be so merciful as to give you a true spirit of His humility, you will not be surprised at your faults, your failures, or even your own basic nature."


Thank You, God, for Your grace. Help me to see the beauty in holes of my weakness, for that is where Your glory shines through.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my
weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me."