Spiritual Plank

I've usually understood spiritual growth in two forms: First, I've experienced growth when I make small or huge spiritual strides. This happens when I feel God teaching me, and I find myself changing attitudes and actions accordingly.

Second, I've experienced growth when God gives me rest. Though this may not seem like growth, it is an important part of the process. This happens when God allows me peace in order to rest after a spiritual growth spurt or right before one is about to occur.

What is new to me -- because I just noticed it -- is what I'm calling the "spiritual plank."

Today I worked with a personal trainer at the gym (I just had third baby and I'm trying to get back into shape). I was not in the mood to work out at all. But she pushed me like normal, and I obediently did what she said without my usual enthusiasm and energy. At the end of my session, she had me do the plank. I hate the plank.

The plank is when you get on your forearms and toes, flatten the length of your body, and hold this position for a short amount of time. In my case, I had to hold it for one minute. I was miserable. I would rather be doing crunches, squats, push ups or anything else that makes me move. Better yet, I would rather be resting on my mat.

Instead, I was holding the plank position and my entire body was shaking. I don't think there was a single muscle that was not straining to hold that position. Thankfully, the minute ended and I collapsed on my mat. But what I realized later that day is that I'm currently in spiritual plank.

I don't feel like I'm making any spiritual strides at the moment, but I don't feel like I'm in spiritual peace either. I feel like I'm in a holding position.

I still feel close to God, but I don't feel like I'm experiencing any wowing revelations. I'm not upset with the world or my life, but I'm not feeling all that amazed at the moment (though, I must admit, I have tons to be thankful for).

I just feel like I'm waiting and counting the days until God says, "Time," and allows me to collapse or He says, "Get up," and He puts me to work. It kind of feels like something is just around the corner, and God is stabilizing me and strengthening the core of who I am.

At least the cool thing is that normally I would get all emotional doing the spiritual plank. I would sense this time of readiness and not trust God. I would complain to Him that the spiritual plank stinks and would continually ask Him when it would be over.

However, I won't allow myself to fear and complain this time. I'm not a little kid anymore. I can handle a little pressure, a little waiting and a little work-out from the Father. He's my personal spiritual trainer, and I trust that He will only push me to my breaking point . . . and that is both a comforting and thrilling thought.