Insecure Water

Lately, I've been talking about Jesus and faith to people who know very little about Christianity. They live in the deserts where Living Water is scarce. I try to relate to them and honor their strengths. I humble myself and learn from their expertise, but I do drop little nuggets of truth into our conversations.

However, I feel clumsy. I try to communicate the amazing attributes of God and illustrate my personal relationship with Him, but it seems that my words get muddied up in the desert sand. There is a well-spring of pure Living Water in me, but once it pours out of my lips and life, I have no control over its movement and purity. I watch as the Living Water gets tainted and misunderstood as it travels through the minds and lives of people who don't recognize and respond to it. I wonder if I'm not communicating effectively enough.

I prayed about sharing my faith this morning with God. I told Him about my insecurity because I don't feel like I'm doing a good job. If I could express the beauty of the Living Water more effectively, others would see what I see and drink deeply from its healing properties; instead they mock my words and refuse to taste from the drink I offer them.

I opened the Bible and God gave me Ezekiel 47. In these verses, Ezekiel is taken to the Temple, and he watches as water pours from its doors. The water flows from the Temple through the desert and into the Dead Sea. I imagined as the pure water from the Temple gathered debris, sand and dirt along its path. When it finally gets to the Dead Sea, the water is probably undrinkable. The Dead Sea itself is already so ruined that it cannot provide an environment to sustain life.

To my eyes, it seems that the Living Water has no hope. The purity that once existed has entered into the heart of the Dead Sea where life cannot exist. But a miracle happens. The water is healed!

"Then he said to me, These waters pour out toward the eastern region and go down into the Arabah (the Jordan Valley) and on into the Dead Sea. And when they shall enter into the sea [the sea of putrid waters], the waters shall be healed and made fresh" (Ezekiel 47.8 AMP).

God taught me something amazing! I am His temple, and His Living Water pours from me into the desert. Once the water flows from me, I have to trust that God is in control of its movements. Because of God's grace, He allows His Son, Jesus, to gather the sins of humanity, so He can reach into our dead hearts with His love. Once He is able to penetrate our spirit, a miracle occurs: we are healed!

The Living Water brings to life what was dead, and an environment for growth begins! Therefore, I can't worry about what happens when I speak truth, I just need to continue to pour forth the Living Water living inside my temple and trust God with the rest.

"And wherever the double river shall go, every living creature which swarms shall live. And there shall be a very great number of fish, because these waters go there that [the waters of the sea] may be healed and made fresh; and everything shall live wherever the river goes" (Ezekiel 47.9 AMP).

"And on the banks of the river on both its sides, there shall grow all kinds of trees for food; their leaf shall not fade nor shall their fruit fail [to meet the demand]. Each tree shall bring forth new fruit every month, [these supernatural qualities being] because their waters came from out of the sanctuary. And their fruit shall be for food and their leaves for healing" (Ezekiel 47.12 AMP).

Bartimaeus's Gumption

Bartimaeus, a blind beggar, heard that Jesus was arriving. A crowd surrounded Jesus, so Bartimaeus yelled, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" Many of the people Jesus healed were brought to Him by friends, but not Bartimaeus. Instead of helping him, the crowd told him to be quiet.

But Bartimaeus did not let his blindness and the lack of help stop him from calling out to Jesus. He couldn't see, but he could yell. So he yelled even louder, "Son of David, have mercy on me!" The title "Son of David" alludes to the Messiah: "Out of the stump of David’s family will grow a shoot— yes, a new Branch bearing fruit from the old root" (Isaiah 11:1 NLT). Bartimaeus knew that the Messiah was in his presence, and he was determined to reach Him.

Jesus picked Bartimaeus's voice out from the crowd and called him over. Bartimaeus threw aside his coat (probably the most expensive thing he owned), jumped up and ran to Jesus. Jesus asked him what he wanted, and Bartimaeus said, "My rabbi, I want to see!" Instantly, Bartimaeus was healed, and he followed Jesus (Mark 10.46-52).

My husband read me this story a few nights ago, and I couldn't help but feel encouraged. Bartimaeus didn't have sight, but he had a voice and he used it. When no one would see for him and lead him to Christ, he used the resources at his disposal. Bartimaeus's voice might not have sounded the best, but he used it with power and determination. He focused all His energy on Jesus and found himself at the foot of love, mercy and grace.

My weakness is my voice. I have nodules on my vocals cords, so I'm not supposed to yell, sing or talk too much. However, I have three young kids, and I find myself losing my voice a lot. I have to tell my oldest son--who happens to ask a lot of questions--that I have to take a break from talking because my throat hurts. I can't sing at church, I can't holler when I'm excited and I can't read out loud to my kids or talk on the phone very long. I have to be careful to conserve my voice because I don't have much of it to spare.

Since I can't use my physical voice to call out to Jesus, I write. My writing may not be the best, but I will use it to reach Jesus. I will not let the negative jeers of the crowd cause me to give up. Jesus tells me to come to Him, and I let go of all my desires so that I can run to the foot of His love, mercy and grace. I know He'll give me a voice to call attention to Him, and I will use it to give praise to His name and glory to God.

What giftings do you have that can call attention to Jesus? How can you use your strengths to overcome your weaknesses? How does God use your weaknesses to show His glory?

"They were just trying to intimidate us, imagining that they could discourage us and stop the work. So I continued the work with even greater determination" (Nehemiah 6.9 NLT).

Internet Cafe: The Lead Vocalist

I met her at the first writers’ group that I held at my house about five years ago. She was an amazing woman of God surrounded by grace and humility. She dedicated her heart to writing devotionals for my ministry and several months later, God called her to be the Women’s Minister at my church. I was honored and blessed to be under her leadership.

Along with being a writer, women’s minister and church staff member, she also sang onstage with our church band. I would watch her sing and become irritated. I couldn’t hear my friend’s voice! She would only sing back-up, and I, not being musically inclined, couldn’t distinguish her from the others. I told her my frustrations about not being able to hear her, but she was content to use her voice to support the lead vocalist.

One Sunday morning my friend wasn’t singing, and I finally heard it: her voice was missing! Although I couldn’t discern her voice, I could definitely tell when it was absent.

I saw her the following week and exclaimed, “I heard it!”

“What?” She asked.

“The lack of your voice!” I yelled excitedly.

She looked at me for a moment puzzled, but then she smiled with understanding. In a small way, I finally felt like I could appreciate her singing talent.

This past Sunday morning, God had a very special gift in store for me. After five years, I finally heard my friend’s voice. She sang lead vocals, and I bawled. All my makeup was off my face before the pastor even said one word. I listened to my friend sing, and I thanked God for the amazing ways He shows Himself to me. What a beautiful sight she was singing for her mighty God! Her voice is forever imprinted on my heart.

As I reflect on that morning, I know that many people have trouble hearing God’s voice. They recognize when it’s missing, but they have never heard Him speak so powerfully that there was no doubt the words were from God. I once struggled with hearing God’s voice, and I worried whether or not I was listening to the wrong one.

But something changed. I now hear God’s voice loud and clear. He speaks to me through the Bible, the Holy Spirit and other Christians. He engulfs me with His presence, and He whispers to my spirit. What’s different? Why has it become so easy to distinguish His voice? The answer is simple. When I put God center stage, He became the Lead Vocalist singing into my life. All that I am stays focused on God, and I’ve learned to discern His voice.

“God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our
understanding” (Job 37.5 NIV).

You can also read this article at the Internet Cafe!

Take Root & Write Magazine

I'm honored to be featured on the June 2011 issue of Take Root and Write Magazine. This month's magazine is all about parenting! I hope you enjoy my article about growing in Christ and learning how to be the mother God has called me to be!

Open publication - Free publishing - More christian

Accustomed to Paradise

Brian "Head" Welch came to our church and talked about how he met Christ. I loved his testimony, which you can read at I am Second. He "test drove the world," and he had everything that the world could offer: fame, money, women, success, etc. But a "dark cloud" hovered over his life, and he lived in misery. He thought he was a "loser," he was addicted to drugs and he couldn't care for his little girl.

But Jesus changed all that.

After Brian told us his redemption story, he expressed the amazing gift that we have in God. He said that Christianity is the only religion that offers a "Piece of Paradise" here on earth. The promised gift of the Holy Spirit comes to dwell in us once we receive forgiveness from Jesus Christ. Jesus took on our imperfection, so we could wear His perfection, and now we stand righteous before a perfect God. Because of grace we are sanctified, and the Holy Spirit can live in us. This beautiful mystery of faith is the ultimate truth of Christianity.

Brian couldn't describe with words the peace and joy that flooded his life when he walked away from everything and followed after God. The world can give us its version of glory, but Brian explained that we were created to desire God. Nothing we consume will quench our yearning for God and His glory.

What moved me most about Brian's Holy Spirit filled words was his delight and awe of God. Brian had found "paradise," and it was better than anything he had ever known. His excitement reminded me that I dwell in this paradise daily. I rest in green meadows and walk by peaceful streams (Psalm 23). God's presence is so much a part of my life that I think I sometimes forget what I have.

The Holy Spirit has been prompting me over and over again to remember what God has done in my life. I finally sat down and started from the time I was young, listing the amazing movement of His will in my mess. I thought about the times He protected and cared for me and when He guided and encouraged me. I looked at all the blessings in my life and saw how He has grown me and changed me into His image.

My transformation from an insecure 14 year old who was hopeless and lost to the strong Christian woman I am today is nothing short of miraculous. Changing from a person who hated reading and studying to becoming the learner and researcher I am now is shocking. God makes the fool wise and that is so obvious in my life. I am a fool who is only wise because God loves me, Christ died for me and the Holy Spirit guides me.

I don't want to take the "paradise" I have today for granted. I remember how I felt with out Jesus, and I was miserable, purposeless and confused. Now I'm surrounded by peace, joy, love and hope that cannot be produced without God. I have paradise (a piece of God) inside of me, and that is a treasure worth selling everything for (Matthew 13.44).

"Remember the things I have done in the past.
For I alone am God!
I am God, and there is none like me."

Isaiah 46.9 (NLT)

A Father's Hidden Glory

Why were humans created clothed in flesh? The angels weren't. They were born directly into the glory and wonders of God. The flesh does force us to build and use our faith, but what is so important about faith? I believe faith gives us the Father. Let me explain.

Billy Graham in his book, Angels, writes that "God is not called 'Father' by the holy angels because, not having sinned, they need not be redeemed." I wondered, Why can't the angels call God Father? What about the flesh and our faith makes the difference?

The flesh covers the glory of God. Yes, we can see manifestations of it here on this earth; however, they are nothing compared to what the angels see. When I read the descriptions of God's glory that is experienced by the angels, I know that I have seen very little of it. I trust that His glory is amazing, but I must have faith. I have not seen heaven yet.

Why is it so important that we be shielded from God's glory? What about knowing this glory first as the angels did caused them to lose the ability to experience God as a Father?

Think of the most famous person you know. Now imagine meeting him/her. Would you be nervous? Would you be star-struck? Would you cry tears? Would you have dramatic emotional response even though you don't know him/her personally? Now imagine compounding that emotion and awe by infinity, and you might come close to the reaction you will have when you meet God and His glory.

No matter how your relationship evolves with that famous person, your initial reaction to his/her glory will always affect your intimacy. Your knowledge of that glory will be tightly woven into the conception of your relationship. Because God's glory is cloaked, we are able to see Him as Father first. Because He chose to hide our eyes in flesh and receive redemption through Christ, we can forge an intimate relationship with Him by faith. We get to know His love before we fully know His glory.

I've begged God to show me His glory. I've asked him time and again for Him to reveal His beauty to me. I knew He was shielding me, but I didn't know why. Now I do. He wants me to love Him as a Father, so He lovingly protects me from His glory. My faith is strengthened because I know one day my Father will reveal His glory to me, and I will rejoice from a daughter's heart who knows her Father intimately.

“Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began." - Jesus (John17.1-5 NIV).

Free-Will in Source Code

As I've stated before, I like sci-fi movies. They make me think. The sci-fi film, Source Code, directed by Duncan Jones, a professed atheists (his film, Moon, has an atheistic angle) and son of David Bowie; resonated one universal truth deep into my spirit : FREE-WILL. I find it interesting that even people who deny their creator cannot rid themselves of His mark. I see God's fingerprint encrypted even in the creations running from the Maker.

I've been wrestling a lot lately with free-will. I know God created a perfect world with perfect people, but because He gave us free-will to choose a place with Him or without Him, sin entered the world and corrupted His perfect design. We consumed from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. We had already tasted Good (God), but now we tasted Evil (the force which expresses the absence of God). Everything in existence has its absence, and we became aware of both.

God knew that we would make choices that were without Good, so He incorporated the Answer into His creation. Jesus Christ was there in the beginning (Tree of Life), and He is the world's remedy to free-will. Jesus is the simplest of all solutions. We ask by faith for His righteousness to cover us, and we can be transported instantly into the presence of God. God is 100% perfect, and only those covered in perfection can commune with Him. Free-will corrupted us, but Jesus redeems us. So awesome, yet so easy.

(The following will spoil the movie). Colter Stevens is pretty much dead. Some of his brain is still functional, so the military scientists use that portion to transport Colter back into the subconscious of another man who died on the train earlier that morning. Colter gets to go back several times for eight minutes to try and discover who bombed the train. Colter literally has nothing left but his free-will, and he desperately tries to figure out a way to keep it.

After leaving that movie, I felt an overwhelming gratitude for the free-will that God has given me. Yes, I know the world is corrupted by free-will; however, free-will is an amazing gift that can also produce much good. Without free-will, we would all be lifeless. I finally realized that the corruption caused by free-will was totally worth the life we've been given.

And we are all in Colter Stevens's shoes. We all have one foot in the grave with only a vapor of free-will left to know our Creator and to change the world for His good. Instead of saving people from a train wreck, we are saving people from living an eternity in the absence of God (aka. hell). I don't care how you describe hell -- eternity away from a God who is all perfect, all love and all good sounds horrible. But no matter how good we think we are, we can never fulfill His perfect law, and that is why we need a Savior.

I don't want to spend my short eight minutes on earth worrying about the trivialities that seek to distract me. There is a bomb (inevitable death) about to go off, and there is only one Man who knows how to defeat it. And this Man didn't defeat death for Himself; He defeated it for all of us. We are in Christ by faith, so we defeated death along with Him. We are new creations with the power of free-will in our hands. The question is, How will we use it?

"Being created with a free will, man is expectd to exercise his will for union with God's will in opposing the will of Satan [the force which expresses the absense of God]. This is the purpose of creation as well as the purpose of redemption. The entire life of the Lord Jesus demonstrates this principle." - Watchman Nee

Watercolor Faith

My spiritual mentor paints with watercolors. She has taught beginning courses in that medium, and she honored me with one of her originals. Painting with watercolors, she explained, is an interesting art. The artist sketches an outline that presents the path, but the diluted colors usually add their own forms and shapes along the way. The water in the color cannot be fully controlled, which can cause frustration if the artist is not willing to “go with the flow.” It takes faith to trust that the water knows what it’s doing.

Another difficult aspect of watercolor is that you can’t make changes. Once the color hits the page, there is no turning back. You can’t paint over it because the paint is too translucent to hide what’s beneath; and you can’t scrape it off because the paint binds with the paper. All you can do is learn to anticipate the movement of the water. The more an artist study’s the flow of water, the better she will become at working with it. The end result is beautiful. The sketches underneath are fixed, but the colors around the lines take on their own life. The entire painting is a masterpiece of skill, imagination and faith.

When I placed my friend’s painting only inches from my face, I couldn’t see the distinction between each object. All the colors blended into each other, and I couldn’t tell what I was looking at. However, when I stepped ten feet from the painting, I could see the objects in detail. How could that be? My friend explained that your mind completes the shapes by drawing conclusions on what it sees. I saw sunglasses on a man’s face and a hat on his head from far away, but up close it just looked liked smudges of translucent paint. I gained a better perspective from a distance.

My walk with God is a lot like painting with watercolors. I sketch out my plans, but God’s movement never seems to stay in the lines. When I look real close at what He’s doing in my life, I become confused and frustrated. His will doesn’t seem to make sense to me, and I don’t understand how it’s all going to work out. Also, I make mistakes, and I know they are erased in His eyes, but they seem to always be there on my painting – never fully covered over or scraped off. They appear so ugly to me!

But God finally showed me through my friend that I’m looking too closely. I need to take a few steps back and look at my life from His perspective. He is the Master Painter, and He knows exactly what He’s doing. He doesn’t take over. He allows my imagination and passion to decide the subject, but His Spirit does flow through the pages of my life. God doesn’t cover up my sketches or scrape off my mistakes; instead, He shows off by incorporating my limited talent and redeemed sin into His perfect design. He works with us to make a one-of-the-kind masterpiece; and we have faith that our paintings will be hanging on the walls of His temple, telling the story of His glory in our lives.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8.28 NIV).

Guest Post: Enthusiasm Outshines Ability

Enthusiasm Outshines Ability

My six year old son started playing soccer. He doesn’t quite know what he’s doing and the rules are a bit confusing to him, but he has stellar passion and enthusiasm for the game. His smile stays fixed on his face; and when he or his team mate makes a good play, he cheers and hollers. His passion spreads to the other team mates and his coach. They all get excited over seemingly simple moves. This passion -- placed in him by a family that continuously exposes his significance -- gives him power and strength to play hard and overcome his limitations and lack of skill.

When I see my son play, I think of the servant who was given five talents (Matthew 25.14-30). He was given more than the other two servants according to his abilities. I always believed that the servant was given more talents because he was more skilled; however, I know that skill does not necessarily ensure a person’s productivity. When you read the end of the parable, you find that the Master does not become upset because of the one-talent servant’s lack of ability; rather, it was the servant’s laziness that angered the Master.

When I researched the word ability, I discovered that it means something very different. The Greek word for ability is dynamis, which means power. It is the same word used to illustrate the power that surged through Jesus’ body when the woman from the crowd touched his clothes and was healed (Mark 5.30). Dynamis has little to do with a person’s skill-set but has everything to do with the power residing in the person. That power comes from the Holy Spirit who lives in Christians once we have the covering of Jesus’ righteousness.

We as Christians all have the power of the Holy Spirit residing in us, but it stays untapped until our passion for Christ unleashes it. When our actions follow our passion, we can accomplish anything that God has for us. We don’t have to be skilled or smart. In fact, God says that he uses foolish things to confound the wise (1 Corinthians 1.27). We just have to want to be used by the Holy Spirit, want to do more for the Kingdom of God, want to be endowed with more responsibility. We need to WANT more of Him!

The coach put my son in the game not because he’s a skilled player, but because my son wants to play. His passion usurps his ability. I believe if we all fully understood the significance that God places on us, we too would be passionate about His plan for our lives. And instead of being content with just one or two talents, we would beseech more from the Master. We might not have the amazing abilities that others have; but what we lack in ability, we make up for in enthusiasm.

“I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power” (1 Corinthians 2.3-5 NIV).

Paul himself was scared to do the things of God, but he did not let that stop him. He relied on the Spirit of God inside of him to accomplish God’s mighty work. Paul’s life is an amazing example of living with the power of the Holy Spirit. Paul might not have been the most eloquent speaker, but he wanted to be used by God. He was passionate about running a good race, and he was obviously a five-talent servant. We all can be five-talent servants if we are passionate for God and His Kingdom.

You can also read this article at Jan Christiansen's blog, Refreshed by the Word!

Internet Cafe: Toss Me!

Gimli: Oh come on, we can take ‘em.
Aragorn: It’s a long way.
Gimli: Toss me.
Aragorn: What?
Gimli: I cannot jump the distance; you’ll have to toss me.
[pauses, looks up at Aragorn]
Gimli: Don’t tell the elf.
Aragorn: Not a word.

- The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Watch video clip here. (39 seconds)

In the above dialogue from The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Gimli is ready to fight. He sees his destiny before him, but he discovers that there is no way he can get there without help. In a moment of decision, he swallows his pride and asks for a favor. Aragorn agrees to assist Gimli and tosses him into battle. Gimli wastes no time and begins to fight the forces of evil. (Cue the sound of swords clanging.)

Many times God designs our steps so that we will need other people. We will not be able to get where God wants us to go if we are not willing to make “asks” of ourselves. I found this out in my early 20′s when God called me on a mission trip and then told me to ask others to help pay my way. I thought since God wanted me to go, He would supernaturally provide the funds. Well, he did….through the pocketbooks of my family and friends. God criss-crosses our paths with others in order to develop us into His image and to teach His children to work together.

However, we cannot simply ask people to help us if we have not prepared ourselves for the “toss.” Gimli could ask for help from his king, Aragorn, because he has invested into a future favor.

1. Gimli has already developed a friendship with Aragorn. When you ask something of others, you need to have a solid relationship with them that fosters mutual loyalty, respect and trust.

2. Gimli has proven himself in battle. If you want someone to “toss” you into your destiny, you need to show that you are able to handle the new level of combat. It would be heartbreaking to “toss” someone into battle only to watch him/her fall.

3. Gimli has shown other strengths that balance out his weaknesses. When Gimli asks for help, he is admitting to a weakness (he can’t jump); but he has already demonstrated other strengths (excellent fighter, loyalty, perseverance) that prove he is battle-ready. People need to know that their help will empower you, not indulge you.

4. Gimli has selflessly sacrificed for others. People will not help you if your thoughts are only about yourself. There is a battle of good vs. evil, and we all need to band together to win our predestined victories. Selfishness is an inward battle we need to defeat every day before we can accomplish the great plans that God has for us.

So my advice to anyone who knows that one day she will need to be “tossed” into the next level of her destiny would be to continue the fight. Don’t think about what you need; God will take care of you. You just keep seeking God, serving others, developing your skills and fighting the small battles that God has prepared for you. One day you will hit a brick wall, and your destiny will be raging on the other side of it. You will look over your shoulder and someone will be there to “toss” you. Just swallow your pride and prepare to be catapulted into your future.

Questions: Was there ever a time that you had to make an “ask” of yourself? How have others helped you accomplish God’s will for your life?

“The king said to me, ‘What is it you want?’ Then I prayed to the God of heaven, and I answered the king, ‘If it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in his sight, let him send me to the city in Judah where my ancestors are buried so that I can rebuild it’” (Nehemiah 2.4-5 NIV).

You can also read this article over at the Internet Cafe!

Drunk with Holy Spirit

Recently, I have gone to a rock concert, stand-up comedy and a musical on Broadway. During all three shows, I was astonished by the overwhelming show of esteem and love. People cheered, whistled, raised arms in honor and screamed praises. And although every show was great, I couldn't help wonder why Christians are embarrassed to exalt their God.

People were drunk on beer or drunk on the energy of the performance, so they let go of all their inhibitions and became expressive bottle-rockets of admiration and joy. I understand that there are all forms of worship, and I know that people have different ways of offering up their love to God, but sometimes it feels good to remove all constraints and dance and jump before the Lord like David (2 Samuel 6.14-16 NIV).

The world wants to jump for joy. The world wants to scream out praises. The world wants to lift their arms in awe. People want to believe that there is something more worthy and more beautiful beyond themselves. The world craves worship. Who better to worship than our perfect Creator? What better place to worship than our church?

I worship God in my car, at my home and while exercising at the gym; and I love the fact that I can also worship God at my church. Yes, I may be weird, but so were all those people at the U2 concert. I saw a hundred thousand people raise their arms to an imperfect singer, so why can't I raise my arms to a perfect God?

If we believe that Jesus took our sins on the cross and that we wear His righteousness by grace, then church should be a place where hundreds or thousands of righteous people stand side by side bringing praise to God. No matter what people did the night before, we are made righteous by faith and not by acts. We are clothed with the 100% perfection of Jesus and our praise is beautiful in God's eyes (Philippians 3.8-11).

Being drunk on the Holy Spirit doesn't dull your senses or slow you down. The dwelling of the Holy Spirit supernaturally brings you to the throne of God, where the most amazing rock concert of all time is being held every moment. I don't want to wait for heaven to praise God. I want to rock-out for Christ right here, right now. God doesn't need our praise. The Bible says that all of heaven and earth praises Him (Psalm 69.34). However, I need to praise God. I was created to worship. I tap into an endless source of hope, peace, joy and love when I do.

"Who will not fear you, Lord,
and bring glory to your name?
For you alone are holy.
All nations will come
and worship before you,
for your righteous acts have been revealed.”

- Revelations 15.4 (NIV)

Stepping Through Weakness

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9

I had a miscarriage about two months ago. This would make my third. Separating the miscarriages were two full-term pregnancies, which both led to fun nights of labor and two beautiful boys.

Before my last miscarriage, I told myself and others that I would have no fear. If God wanted me to have a baby, He would protect the pregnancy. Therefore, I went on with my life as usual. I did not live in fear, and I would not take any extra precautions. I thought if I stopped exercising and if I started acting fragile, I would be doing a disservice to God's power. If I changed my habits, I would show a lack of trust and faith in God. I told my friends that I was going to trust God in everything, and He would make my baby safe . . .

I had a miscarriage shortly after. I was shocked to say the least, and I was confused. I had just set God up to show His power and He didn't come through. He didn't protect my pregnancy, like I professed He would. I wasn't mad at Him. I didn't blame Him. He allows all things: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." But, I did wonder, "What did I do wrong?"

Now fast forward to about a week ago. I found out I was pregnant again. I was feeling tired, so I took a pregnancy test just because I had one leftover. I wasn't expecting to be pregnant, and I stared at the "pregnant" test answer on the digital reading. I showed it to my husband, and He too was surprised.

This time I was determined to take extra precautions. I still believed if God wanted me to have another baby, He would protect the pregnancy, but I wasn't about to go testing His power. I'm being realistic, I thought to myself. This is my sixth pregnancy; I'm not going for a jog or heading to the gym.

Again I talked to my friends and told them that I wasn't going to work-out or doing anything too vigorous. Instead of saying God's going to protect this pregnancy, I asserted that I was going to do all that I could to protect this pregnancy.

I felt like a hypocrite, and I felt like I was downplaying God's power. He is master of all, and here I was trying to take fate into my own hands. Later, I had a talk with God. I told Him I was very confused about the entire situation. I felt that I had let Him down, and that I was being a very bad Christ-like example.

During this time, our pastor preached a sermon about our weaknesses. He basically said that God gave us weakness not to bring us down, but to show His glory. I always thought I understood this. God showed His glory through Mosses, even though Mosses didn't talk well. God showed His glory through Gideon, even though Gideon was scared. God showed His glory through Mary, even though she was a simple, young Hebrew girl.

Finally, God revealed the mystery that I didn't see (Colossians 2:2)! One of my weaknesses is a very volatile first-trimester. I've had miscarriages before; therefore, I must acknowledge the weakness and act accordingly. I cannot jog, I cannot jump down the stairs, I cannot play sports. I must understand that my body needs complete rest during my first-trimester.

God gave me the weakness for a reason. He doesn't necessary want to cure me of it; He wants me to succeed through it. Instead of expecting God to take away my weakness, I should have asked God for an awareness on how to work within the limits of my weakness.

God does miracles. He does them all the time and cures people all the time. But what I've realized is that God designs us purposefully with weaknesses. He doesn't necessarily want to take them away; He wants to see us succeed with them.

God's power and glory can be seen if He cures a man of his crippledness, but how much more glory is seen when that man runs a Marathon with crutches? Is God's power not seen when His children draw strength from Him, accomplishing unbelievable things even despite their weaknesses? Can God be more proud when a sinful and flawed child of His claims victory even though all odds are against Him?

What God showed me was so profound. He wants us to be the miracle! He wants us to do the impossible! He wants us to understand our weaknesses and not pray them away, but rather He wants us to pray for a way through them! God's beauty is seen when we accept His grace over our flaws and we muster up the strength to forge ahead, claiming onto His supernatural power which is rightfully ours as God's children. Though the road will be a lot more difficult, I will carry my weaknesses and allow God to strengthen and develop me with every step.