Stepping Through Weakness

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9

I had a miscarriage about two months ago. This would make my third. Separating the miscarriages were two full-term pregnancies, which both led to fun nights of labor and two beautiful boys.

Before my last miscarriage, I told myself and others that I would have no fear. If God wanted me to have a baby, He would protect the pregnancy. Therefore, I went on with my life as usual. I did not live in fear, and I would not take any extra precautions. I thought if I stopped exercising and if I started acting fragile, I would be doing a disservice to God's power. If I changed my habits, I would show a lack of trust and faith in God. I told my friends that I was going to trust God in everything, and He would make my baby safe . . .

I had a miscarriage shortly after. I was shocked to say the least, and I was confused. I had just set God up to show His power and He didn't come through. He didn't protect my pregnancy, like I professed He would. I wasn't mad at Him. I didn't blame Him. He allows all things: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." But, I did wonder, "What did I do wrong?"

Now fast forward to about a week ago. I found out I was pregnant again. I was feeling tired, so I took a pregnancy test just because I had one leftover. I wasn't expecting to be pregnant, and I stared at the "pregnant" test answer on the digital reading. I showed it to my husband, and He too was surprised.

This time I was determined to take extra precautions. I still believed if God wanted me to have another baby, He would protect the pregnancy, but I wasn't about to go testing His power. I'm being realistic, I thought to myself. This is my sixth pregnancy; I'm not going for a jog or heading to the gym.

Again I talked to my friends and told them that I wasn't going to work-out or doing anything too vigorous. Instead of saying God's going to protect this pregnancy, I asserted that I was going to do all that I could to protect this pregnancy.

I felt like a hypocrite, and I felt like I was downplaying God's power. He is master of all, and here I was trying to take fate into my own hands. Later, I had a talk with God. I told Him I was very confused about the entire situation. I felt that I had let Him down, and that I was being a very bad Christ-like example.

During this time, our pastor preached a sermon about our weaknesses. He basically said that God gave us weakness not to bring us down, but to show His glory. I always thought I understood this. God showed His glory through Mosses, even though Mosses didn't talk well. God showed His glory through Gideon, even though Gideon was scared. God showed His glory through Mary, even though she was a simple, young Hebrew girl.

Finally, God revealed the mystery that I didn't see (Colossians 2:2)! One of my weaknesses is a very volatile first-trimester. I've had miscarriages before; therefore, I must acknowledge the weakness and act accordingly. I cannot jog, I cannot jump down the stairs, I cannot play sports. I must understand that my body needs complete rest during my first-trimester.

God gave me the weakness for a reason. He doesn't necessary want to cure me of it; He wants me to succeed through it. Instead of expecting God to take away my weakness, I should have asked God for an awareness on how to work within the limits of my weakness.

God does miracles. He does them all the time and cures people all the time. But what I've realized is that God designs us purposefully with weaknesses. He doesn't necessarily want to take them away; He wants to see us succeed with them.

God's power and glory can be seen if He cures a man of his crippledness, but how much more glory is seen when that man runs a Marathon with crutches? Is God's power not seen when His children draw strength from Him, accomplishing unbelievable things even despite their weaknesses? Can God be more proud when a sinful and flawed child of His claims victory even though all odds are against Him?

What God showed me was so profound. He wants us to be the miracle! He wants us to do the impossible! He wants us to understand our weaknesses and not pray them away, but rather He wants us to pray for a way through them! God's beauty is seen when we accept His grace over our flaws and we muster up the strength to forge ahead, claiming onto His supernatural power which is rightfully ours as God's children. Though the road will be a lot more difficult, I will carry my weaknesses and allow God to strengthen and develop me with every step.